IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people today know more about international pop and film stars than they do about famous people in their own country's history. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people's interest in famous people from their country's history?

#people #pop #film #stars #country #history #interest
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In the modern world, it is undeniable that young
people
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 often possess a greater knowledge of international
pop
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 and
film
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stars
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 compared to famous
figures
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 from their own
country
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's
history
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.
This
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 phenomenon can be attributed to several key factors, and some measures can be taken to address
this
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 issue. Young
people
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 often know more about global
pop
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 and
film
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stars
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 than their own
country
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's historical
figures
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due to
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 multiple factors.
Firstly
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, the rise of the internet and social
media
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 has made information about international celebrities more accessible than ever before. Youngsters are inundated with international
pop
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 and
film
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 star content on platforms like Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. These celebrities' large followings and regular fan engagement create a personal connection.
Secondly
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, the entertainment industry, including Hollywood and the global music industry, invests significant resources in marketing and promoting international
stars
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. The extensive
media
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 coverage, advertising campaigns, and merchandise associated with these celebrities contribute to their widespread recognition. To increase young
people
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's interest in famous
figures
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 from their own
country
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's
history
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, several measures can be taken. Schools can update their
history
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 curricula to include more engaging and relevant content about local historical
figures
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, making
history
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 lessons more interesting and relatable to young learners. At the same time, organizing cultural events, exhibitions, and heritage tours can provide young
people
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 with opportunities to explore and appreciate their
country
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's
history
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.
Moreover
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, the
media
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 can raise awareness of national
history
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 through TV, documentaries, and films, making it more appealing to young audiences. Television programs, documentaries, and films can be produced to showcase the lives and contributions of famous individuals from the
country
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's past. In conclusion,
while
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 international
pop
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 and
film
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stars
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 have a strong presence in young
people
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's lives, efforts to boost their interest in their
country
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's
history
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 can succeed through creative education, cultural events, and engaging
media
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.
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task achievement
While the essay effectively addresses the prompt, try integrating more specific examples. For instance, mention particular historical figures and events that could be highlighted in schools and media.
task achievement
Although the ideas are clear, the incorporation of more detailed explanations and a variety of sentence structures could enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of the essay.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider utilizing more transitional phrases or connectors to ensure a smooth flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure, including a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, contributing to a coherent and cohesive piece.
task achievement
The essay adequately explores the reasons behind the issue and suggests relevant solutions, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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