IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Wealthy counties should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#counties #refugees #assistance #food
The
world
 is divided economically into two parts. Some
countries
 have strong economies and others are still struggling . Developed
countries
 dominated the largest economy
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
world
.
On the other hand
, developing
countries
 are facing problems in stabilising the economic situation of the country. It is
also
 a major issue for
such
countries
 to overcome problems like food, health and housing for a huge population. In
this
 regard, I agree with the statement that wealthy nations should make policies to allow refugees to cross their borders because they have more opportunities for jobs as compared to poor
countries
.
Furthermore
, if wealthy states accept migrated
people
, it would
also
 be helpful for them because they need more
people
 to control and enhance
such
 huge economies. These developed
countries
also
 need skilled workers to run the economy a smooth way and for their interest, it is a good idea to alter the rules and regulations so that
people
 come from other areas of the
world
 and play their role in strengthening the economy. Developed
countries
 should
also
 emphasise food security and other basic needs like health
as well as
 housing because
people
 move to developed areas of the
world
 because they are deprived of
such
 necessities which are essential to living a prosperous life. As for concern, my point of view on the topic is that developed nations should try to plan a mechanism for the betterment of mankind and it would
also
 be helpful in building them a stable and economically strong nation. I conclude my essay with the statement that every country should realise its responsibility to make the
world
 a perfect place for living.
Submitted by computersinn2007 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and progression of ideas, which significantly aids in understanding your stance on the topic. To enhance your score further, consider varying your sentence structures more and using a wider range of linking words to seamlessly connect your ideas.
task achievement
You've effectively addressed the prompt by taking a clear position and supporting your view with relevant arguments. For improvement, you could incorporate more specific examples and data to solidify your arguments, making your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, providing a clear stance and summarizing your argument well.
task achievement
You have demonstrated understanding of the topic by discussing the economic capacities of wealthy nations to support refugees and the mutual benefits derived from such actions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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