Wealthy counties should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The
world
is divided economically into two parts. Some
countries
have strong economies and others are still struggling . Developed
countries
dominated the largest economy
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
world
.
On the other hand
, developing
countries
are facing problems in stabilising the economic situation of the country. It is
also
a major issue for
such
countries
to overcome problems like food, health and housing for a huge population. In
this
regard, I agree with the statement that wealthy nations should make policies to allow refugees to cross their borders because they have more opportunities for jobs as compared to poor
countries
.
Furthermore
, if wealthy states accept migrated
people
, it would
also
be helpful for them because they need more
people
to control and enhance
such
huge economies. These developed
countries
also
need skilled workers to run the economy a smooth way and for their interest, it is a good idea to alter the rules and regulations so that
people
come from other areas of the
world
and play their role in strengthening the economy. Developed
countries
should
also
emphasise food security and other basic needs like health
as well as
housing because
people
move to developed areas of the
world
because they are deprived of
such
necessities which are essential to living a prosperous life. As for concern, my point of view on the topic is that developed nations should try to plan a mechanism for the betterment of mankind and it would
also
be helpful in building them a stable and economically strong nation. I conclude my essay with the statement that every country should realise its responsibility to make the
world
a perfect place for living.
Submitted by computersinn2007 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure and progression of ideas, which significantly aids in understanding your stance on the topic. To enhance your score further, consider varying your sentence structures more and using a wider range of linking words to seamlessly connect your ideas.
task achievement
You've effectively addressed the prompt by taking a clear position and supporting your view with relevant arguments. For improvement, you could incorporate more specific examples and data to solidify your arguments, making your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, providing a clear stance and summarizing your argument well.
task achievement
You have demonstrated understanding of the topic by discussing the economic capacities of wealthy nations to support refugees and the mutual benefits derived from such actions.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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