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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people's live. Others think that adult life brings more happiness in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #times #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibilities
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Certain individuals assume that youth
time
 is the most cheerful
time
 for
people
.
Whereas
, others reckon that the
life
 of adults has much more happiness, despite the fact of responsibilities. I agree with the first statement to a maximum extent and my essay will elaborate on
this
 following paragraphs. In the first place when human beings start their adult
life
 , it can be arduous because of certain circumstances.Nowadays individuals have much more liability compared to
life
 in the past
time
.At the present
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
people
 have excessive demands for their lives because of the tendency of the 21st century.
For instance
, there are a large amount of
people
 who suffer from their own expectations ,which can be because of social networks
such
 as Instagram,TikTok,VK etc.
Last
 but not least, adults differently consider happiness compared to youngsters, which is understandable because of the age and
life
 expectations of mature
people
.
In contrast
, teenage years have much more bright and delightful views about
life
,
furthermore
, they feel youthful maximalism. At
this
 age, teenagers feel freedom and they are always looking for something fascinating and exciting.
According to
history
Add a comma
history,
show examples
 young
people
 have always been innovators in each area
such
 as music,art,sport,books,movies etc.It can be hardly denied that teenagers have more imagination and engaging views of
life
.
As a consequence
, nowadays
this
 group of individuals brings more happiness in
life
, which is because of a pure view of
life
. In conclusion,it can be hardly denied that youngsters have those thrilling feelings about
life
 compared to adults because of
life
 experience and expectations.
Submitted by kassymov_99 on

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coherence cohesion
Integrate a wider variety of linking words to improve the flow and coherence of your paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to present a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses both views and your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is elaborated on with specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, succinctly summarize the discussed views before definitively stating your own opinion. This strengthens your essay's overall argument and coherence.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed and relate-able examples to support your points in order to better capture the reader's interest and illustrate your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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