Some people say that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environment pollution . To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's digital era, there are some new technological devices in order to serve the individual’s daily life.
Otherwise
, these benefits cause some problems, which cause a rise in illness and disease ratio, which is prevented by governments in many countries by concentrating on reducing pollution
and the greenhouse effect. In this
essay, I totally agree with this
statement.
Firstly
, there are some new technologies in the transportation fields that are exhaustedby
Correct your spelling
exhausted by
exhausted
alarge
Correct your spelling
a large
large
amount
of emissions that pollute the environment. Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
This
makes people
have no atmosphere to breathe and harms their health. To improve this
and deal with this
problem, many governments in the world should focus on reducing emissions because when we decrease this
, this
will improve the atmosphere quality for people
and contribute to reducing the greenhouse effect and global warming on public health. For example
, many countries such
as Vietnam, Singapore and Laos, are using the environmental protection policy on many companies that exhaust some emissions in order to reduce air pollution
. As a result
, people
live healthier and more comfortably, and the illness ratio decreased
rapidly, Wrong verb form
decreases
this
has a positive effect on an individual’s daily life.
Secondly
, reducing environmental pollution
can increase the country
’s efficiency. This
is because, when the citizen’s health is improved, people
have enough strength to do many things which are helpful and contribute to making their country
better. Because of this
, this
country
will have a high development and get accuracy or goal more easily. As a result
, in many developing countries such
as the USA, China and Russia, their companies will focus on a healthy environment’s work. This
is because,
the staff’s accuracy depends on the environment so they work effectively Remove the comma
apply
due to
their healthy environment. Therefore
, a good area will develop the country
.
In conclusion, governments should reduce the pollution
and disease ratio in order to improve their country
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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses the topic. The introduction should clearly state your position. Reference the specific topic in the prompt for clarity.
Task Achievement
Use relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. While discussing countries focusing on environmental policies is good, more specific examples related to the impact of these policies on reducing diseases could enhance your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the clarity and coherence of your essay. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next, using linking words effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid generalizations and ensure precision in your language. For example, when talking about technology's impact on health, be specific about which technologies and how they directly contribute to illness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids readability.
Task Achievement
You effectively express agreement with the given statement and maintain your position throughout the essay.