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Band 4

In the future nobody will buy printer newspaper or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying

#future #nobody #printer #newspaper #books
İt
Correct your spelling
It
 is considered that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
no one will prefer actual
books
 because people will be able to read everything from digital
books
.I strongly disagree with
this
 statement,that online
books
 are more useful than printed
books
.
Firstly
,reading online
books
 causes a lot of distractions.
As technology
Correct word choice
Technology
show examples
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 can bombard someone with many messages,
calls
Correct word choice
and calls
show examples
.
That is
 why
e-
books
 are not productive.It is quite hard to finish one chapter a day.
For example
,when l read
e-
books
,notifications distract my focus.l lost track of time on websites.
Consequently
,it is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 time-consuming process.
Secondly
,humans give priority to
e-
books
 because it is free and available anywhere.Using
e-
books
 for a long time lays
foundation
Add an article
the foundation
a foundation
show examples
 for eye weakness and psychological diseases.Humans give priority to
e-
books
 because it is free and available anywhere. But
instead
 of
books
 they spend money on doctors and glasses.Specially,it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 children's development.
For instance
,some researchers show that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
students who are prone to
e-
books
 have a distraction.Most of them use glasses.They quickly forget what they read.
However
pupils
Add the comma(s)
, pupils
show examples
 who are
tendency
Add an article
the tendency
a tendency
show examples
 to actual
books
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 study well and express their thoughts fluently.
Thirdly
,old people still want tactile sensation when reading
books
.The feeling of touching papers and turning them,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 distinct smells can bring
comfortable
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
 to individuals.
That is
 impossible to acquire it when reading on digital gadgets whether it is free or not.
To sum up
,
e-
books
 never replace printed
books
.The most vital benefits of actual
books
 are
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
show examples
 distraction and
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 problems
Submitted by englishgate995 on

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Style
To enhance your score further, consider varying your sentence structures more. This will not only showcase a wider range of grammar but also make your essay more engaging to read.
Content
Be mindful of repetition in your arguments. For instance, the point about e-books being free and accessible was mentioned twice. Ensure each paragraph brings a new point to keep the argument fresh and compelling.
Coherence
To improve clarity, transition phrases can be used more effectively between paragraphs and ideas. This will help in making your essay flow more naturally and logically.
Grammar
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and try to avoid them in future writings. For instance, watch out for the use of 'l' (lowercase L) instead of 'I' (uppercase I) when referring to yourself.
Argument
You have presented a clear argument against the notion that digital books will completely replace printed books, well-done!
Examples
Using specific examples, like the distraction caused by notifications and the impact on children and old people, effectively supports your main points.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear overview and closing of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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