IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources,while others think it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #space #exploration #waste #resources #mankind #universe
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is
ongoing
Add an article
an ongoing
show examples
 debate among
people
Use synonyms
 who think that studying
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 is a waste of value,whilst some
people
Use synonyms
 think it is crucial for our world to continue to explore the other world beyond our
planet
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 question is one of the most significant and valuable for mankind and we should explore
space
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
 have opposite views on that question. Many of them think that the breakthroughs in astrology and scientists' investigations are a waste of value and will not bring any benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our society and
planet
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,throughout
history
Add a comma
history,
show examples
 the development of
space
Use synonyms
 has been unpredictable and many rockets and spaceships could not work or had some
shortcoming
Fix the agreement mistake
shortcomings
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,humans could see that and undoubtedly would not support that idea with exploration,because it is expensive and in many cases unpredictable.
Hence
Linking Words
, the stereotype of mistakes and failures
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 settled in
people
Use synonyms
’s minds and they do not want to see that another time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, our
space
Use synonyms
 is one of the unexplored areas,which hides many facts and information.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 area contains facts and information,which can assist scientists
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
 new discoveries and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 these ideas for us.
For example
Linking Words
, NASA has developed their ideas for humans,which certainly helped to understand what
space
Use synonyms
 is and who is living there.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,recently many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
starts
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
 thinking about
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other planets
show examples
planet
Use synonyms
 and compare with our
planet
Use synonyms
 in characteristics
such
Linking Words
 as air,pressure,and temperature of that
planet
Use synonyms
. Apart from studying
space
Use synonyms
,many movies have shown the process and
attempts
Change the verb form
attempt
show examples
 to understand the
space
Use synonyms
 environment and travel.
Overall
Linking Words
, the exploration of
space
Use synonyms
 has many views. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think it is a waste of budget and value,because of previous mistakes,
however
Linking Words
,some
people
Use synonyms
 think it is an opportunity to discover a world beyond our
planet
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,the chance to learn about
space
Use synonyms
 is brilliant. Scientists have studied that and continue to do that and the vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
 see that
space
Use synonyms
 is our future and we can not reject that.
Submitted by batirka06 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay shows good structure but refining transitions between paragraphs could enhance readability and flow.
Supporting Details
In the body paragraphs, aim to develop each point more thoroughly with detailed examples. While you provided some examples, elaborating on them with more specifics and analysis would strengthen your arguments.
Language Use
Take care to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and work on varying sentence structure for a richer, more polished writing style.
Discussion Balance
Consider contrasting the viewpoints more distinctly by dedicating a separate paragraph for each view before concluding with your own opinion. This can help in balancing the discussion and providing a clearer examination of the contrasting views.
Balance and Coverage
Excellent job in providing a balanced discussion on the topic of space exploration, acknowledging different perspectives before stating your own view.
Relevant Examples
Good use of examples, such as mentioning NASA and the exploration of other planets, to support your arguments.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • astronomical costs
  • earthbound issues
  • tangible benefits
  • technological spin-offs
  • innovation
  • long-term investment
  • habitability
  • interplanetary travel
  • sustainable exploration
  • spacefaring nations
  • international collaboration
  • deep space
  • the final frontier
  • cosmic perspective
  • frontiers of science
What to do next:
Look at other essays: