IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? What is the solution?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, most
children
Use synonyms
 prefer to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with friends than with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon is usually observed among adolescents. Modern society has increased the difference in development level between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 kids.
Although
Linking Words
 some families worry about
this
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 have to balance their
time
Use synonyms
 for help when their
children
Use synonyms
 are well organised. Social networks have changed rapidly in the
last
Linking Words
 two decades, so most teenagers like to spend with classmates in
school
Use synonyms
. They don't rush to go
home
Use synonyms
 after
school
Use synonyms
. The rationale behind
this
Linking Words
 is that high
school
Use synonyms
 students have a lot of work projects that require
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teamwork, or they want to stay beside colleagues.
For instance
Linking Words
, most high
school
Use synonyms
 students need to spend
time
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
 after class in high-development countries. In a study conducted in 2022, ninety per cent of pupils go back
home
Use synonyms
 after 9 p.m. every weekday in South Korea.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is evident that the more
children
Use synonyms
 grow up, the less
time
Use synonyms
 they spend at
home
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
parents
Use synonyms
 complain that their
children
Use synonyms
 are spending less
time
Use synonyms
 with their families and more
time
Use synonyms
 with their peers. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that
parents
Use synonyms
 have a lot of expectations from their offspring. Actually, they want their
children
Use synonyms
 to be obedient to their control. Unfortunately, nowadays, it is not possible to control them when offspring grow up. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in the United States, where most students study and spend
time
Use synonyms
 away from
home
Use synonyms
 since they are 14 years old.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is obvious that if your kids want to leave
home
Use synonyms
 more
time
Use synonyms
, the family should admit them from
time
Use synonyms
 to
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 many adolescents spend
time
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
 or any public area rather than at
home
Use synonyms
 until evening. As highlighted,
children
Use synonyms
 usually choose their peers in modern times. The family should understand them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that supporting sentences directly relate to and develop this point further. Avoid introducing multiple ideas in one paragraph for clarity.
task achievement
While your response covers the main topic, it could benefit from more varied examples or data to substantiate your points, particularly regarding cultural or societal differences in family dynamics.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer thesis statement in your introduction, which concisely outlines the main arguments or ideas you plan to discuss in your essay. This will guide the reader more effectively through your response.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed, providing closure and reiterating the central theme of family understanding in modern times.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies current societal changes (e.g., teamwork requirements, cultural expectations) that affect how adolescents divide their time between peers and family.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples, such as those from South Korea and the United States, to illustrate your points, adding credibility to your observations about adolescent behavior.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social development
  • Peer influence
  • Educational demands
  • After-school activities
  • Parental engagement
  • Family bonding
  • Generation gap
  • Technological advancements
  • Virtual interaction
  • Work commitments
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Community programs
  • Mutual interests
  • Technology-free zones
What to do next:
Look at other essays: