We live in cities or towns that have museums displaying historical and cultural importance, but people do not visit them. Why some people don't visit museums in their local areas? What is a solution?
There are
museums
in urban areas that exhibit essential elements of a nation’s history and culture. However
, because of work
stress, the public doesn’t visit them. Viable solutions are to improve work
-life balance and get support from a financial budget.
Work
pressure causes individuals to have no leisure time
to visit local museums
. This
is because finding a decent job
and securing a good position has become increasingly difficult than before and this
forces many employees to work
long hours to secure their jobs. Thus
, they rarely can squeeze in time
for city tours and visit museums
, preferring to collapse in front of the TV or dive into social media rather than going outside. Take Japan as an example, the majority of Japanese employees find dinner places around 9 PM after they leave offices while
they have to be in the office at 8 AM the following day, leading to an exhausted
weekend for them to recover.
A Replace the word
exhausting
long term
solution for Add a hyphen
long-term
this
predicament is creating more job
opportunities to form a better work
-job
balance. As employment rates increase, people’s pressure in workplaces can be relieved, thus
they will have free time
to consider their leisure time
activities, including visiting museums
. A good example is in China after Taobao created millions of job
places in Hangzhou, even citizens around Hangzhou commented that it was a great relief for the job
market and work
stress, which allowed them to engage in cultural and recreational activities in their free time
because there are plenty positions for employees to choose and people no longer need to work
overtime, in order to secure their jobs.
In conclusion, work
pressure is the reason why a limited number of the public visits museums
though they are located convenient and more job
chances should be generated to change this
situation.Submitted by careyche on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs with linking words or phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
Lexical Resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy.
Task Response
You effectively addressed the task by discussing the reasons why people may not visit museums and presented a coherent solution focusing on work-life balance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in clearly presenting your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite