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Band 4

Some people believe that the Olympics Games do not have a role in the 21st Century. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #olympics #games #role #st #century
The
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
games
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 known to bring
athletes
 around the
workd
Correct your spelling
world
 and
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become a tradition for countries to participate in. Some
people
 are of the opinion that these
games
 are now irrelevant in the modern day.
However
, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement.
This
 well-known event
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has been held every four years for quite some time now and
this
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 countries to showcase their most talented
athletes
 from different areas of sports. Doing
this
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 the
athletes
 the opportunity to represent their home countries and would give them a sense of pride that they are able to do so. Another benefit that
athletes
 could gain from
this
 is they are able to meet and interact with the
athletes
 coming from different parts of the world
thus
 promoting cultural growth.
Furthermore
, the
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
games
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one way to boost the tourism of the hosting
country
. It is known that the
olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
show examples
 is held in a different
country
 every four years and by doing
this
,
people
 from all over the world travel
going
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to the said
country
 to support their delegates. It is beneficial for both the
country
 and
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
people
 since tourism is a big contributor to a
country
's economy. In conclusion,
while
 many
people
 view the
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
games
 as not important in today's era, I believe that
this
 event brings many
Correct your spelling
opportunities
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and benefits to everyone.
Submitted by joycegacho on

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task achievement
Ensure to have a clear thesis statement in the introduction to immediately present your stance to the reader.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, enriching your arguments and engaging the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve flow and coherence throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using paragraphs to clearly separate your points, making your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
You have presented a clear argument disagreeing with the statement, which is excellent for task response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay includes a logical structure, with a noticeable introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively used examples to support your main points, demonstrating good task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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