IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Banking and its role in our life. Methods of paying.

#role #life #methods
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Banking and funding are very important for the functioning of the modern world. Without a banking system, the way we profit
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 capital would not work.
As a result
Linking Words
, they allow people to save
money
Use synonyms
, and pay for things easily and securely
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Although
Linking Words
 many banking transactions can be done online, there are still some things that require visiting a
bank
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as opening or closing an account or depositing
money
Use synonyms
. Because of
this
Linking Words
, every country in the world has its own banks, and they have branches in almost every city, making it convenient for people to use them.
In addition
Linking Words
 to local branches, each
bank
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has a head office where all centralised tasks are performed, allowing the local branches to function. Most clients will simply need to speak with the tellers if they wish to deposit cash or a check into their account.
However
Linking Words
, if they want to open or withdraw more
money
Use synonyms
 than is in their account, they may need to see a manager. If they want to borrow
money
Use synonyms
 for a loan, they will need to meet with the
bank
Use synonyms
 manager to request authorization for the loan.
Along with
Linking Words
 using cash or checks, banks
also
Linking Words
 offer their customers more convenient methods
such
Linking Words
 as debit and credit cards. In my opinion, these methods are more convenient because you only need to carry a plastic card to pay for items. When using plastic, you can pay for any purchase with ease. You will need to either sign a receipt or enter a PIN number to confirm the purchase and prove that you are authorized to use it. I believe that paying with a QR code through the app
instead
Linking Words
 of using cash or a card is the most convenient. To summarize, the range of banking services is expanding every day, and the system is improving. I am confident that anyone who uses the
bank
Use synonyms
's services will find a service that suits their needs. What do you think?
Submitted by lioness1970 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance your essay, consider providing more detailed examples to support your points. This can help to further illustrate your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
It's great to see a clear structure in your essay. To improve, try to link your ideas more seamlessly. Using a wider variety of linking words and phrases could enhance the flow from one point to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've introduced the topic and provided a conclusion, which is excellent for structure. To improve, you could make your introduction more engaging and your conclusion more impactful by summarizing your main points more strongly and stating a more definitive stance or prediction about the future of banking.
Task Response
Your essay provides a comprehensive overview of banking, its importance, and the convenience of modern payment methods.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your logical structure, including an introduction and conclusion, makes your essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: