IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people choose to have their first child at an older age. what are the reasons Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #first #child #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary epoch, some individuals opt to have their first child in the time when they are old. In the following, the reasons for
this
trend
 are discussed, and both the benefits and the negative aspects of the
trend
 are investigated.
This
 modification in
people
's preferences takes place for several reasons. First of all, nowadays
due to
 inflation, clothes, suitable accommodation and everything become expensive. From their point of view, the upbringing of
children
 needs a lot of money. Obviously, when
people
 are young, they do not have a sufficient budget for taking care of
children
.
Hence
, they would rather have
children
 at an older age.
In addition
, what makes
people
 hesitant about
this
 crucial issue is knowledge.
Thus
, they are not as confident as in bringing a new member
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
this
 world. The mentioned
trend
 has many merits. First of all, when they have more know-how and budget, they are able to upbringing
children
 in the best way, and
this
 procedure gets
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier for parents. Not only does
this
 procedure make it easier, but these
children
 can
also
 lighten the bored lives of their old parents.
In contrast
, when individuals get old they do not have adequate energy and concentrate to pay attention to their babies.
Therefore
,
although
old-aged
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
people
 have more valuable experience
to raise
Change preposition
in raising
show examples
children
, they do not have enough capabilities for these sensitive deeds.
Overall
,
this
 issue similar
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 other issues
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
neagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive aspects.
Due to
 the mentioned items, the advantages of
this
trend
 outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To attain a higher score in task achievement, provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to support your arguments. This will give your essay depth and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on improving the logical flow between your paragraphs and within them. Use more transitional words and phrases to link your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Your essay presents multiple perspectives on the topic, discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, providing a clear framework for the discussion points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career aspirations
  • professional development
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • higher levels of education
  • societal shift
  • parenting age
  • developed countries
  • socially acceptable
  • medical advancements
  • fertility treatments
  • conceive at a later age
  • delayed parenthood
What to do next:
Look at other essays: