Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#parents #people #home #age

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Nowadays,

Adults

Use synonyms

in some countries have the choice whether

staying

Change the verb form

to stay

show examples

at home or live alone.

While

Linking Words

some argue that offspring to live alone when they grow up , others advocate that they should sit with their family. In

this

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essay , I will discuss

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

both arguments. From my perspective, I completely agree with the second view with some supervision from their parent. On the one hand, various

parents

Use synonyms

advise their youngsters to live alone when they become

adult

Fix the agreement mistake

adults

show examples

because of several reasons.

Firstly

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, living without a family may teach the

adults

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to become independent and

responsibility

Replace the word

responsible

show examples

For example

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

youngsters are becoming responsible for paying bills

such

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as phones,

electricity

Correct word choice

and electricity

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and renting a place to sit in. Another positive reason for leaving homes and

sit

Wrong verb form

sitting

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alone is that

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

adults

Use synonyms

to grow early and start their own careers which

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

them to start their own

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

For example

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, the adult

try

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tries

show examples

to find a job vacancy to earn his

livings

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living

show examples

. All these positives could help the

adults

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to be benefit for his family and society, too.

On the other hand

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, other

parents

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argue about taking care of their sons and daughters by keeping them staying after age at home.

This

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opinion

also

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has some pros because it provides more care and interest for

adults

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from the

Use synonyms

parents

Change to a genitive case

parent's

parents'

show examples

side.

For example

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young people could get

the

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apply

show examples

financial support

as well as

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

spirt

Correct your spelling

spirit

show examples

one

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

In other words

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, when there is a problem, the

parents

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will help them to solve it.

In addition

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, they can get

the

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apply

show examples

enough protection from being

upuse

Correct your spelling

abused

from

Change preposition

show examples

other

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

Finally

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, by taking care of offspring,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society could live in

safety

Replace the word

a safe

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place.

To sum up

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, Keeping youngsters with

Use synonyms

parents

Correct pronoun usage

their parents

show examples

or giving them the chance to identify the life by leaving them alone

is depended

Wrong verb form

depends

show examples

on the

parents

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' attitude and their

culture

Replace the word

cultural

show examples

background

as well as

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their faith.As

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

I mentioned before, I believe in allowing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adults

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to live alone without

cuting gheir

Correct your spelling

cutting their

relationship with their

parents

Use synonyms

and to get

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

support whenever they

need

Correct pronoun usage

need it

show examples

Submitted by monahhj123 on Fri Apr 26 2024

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Task Achievement

Remember to clarify your main ideas more distinctly, ensuring your opinion is clearly stated throughout the essay.

Task Achievement

Offer more specific examples to support your arguments. This helps in making your points clearer and more persuasive.

Coherence & Cohesion

Improve the organization of your essay by using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs. This helps the reader understand the main idea of each paragraph right from the start.

Coherence & Cohesion

Try to connect your ideas more smoothly by using a variety of linking words and cohesive devices. This enhances readability and flow.

Task Achievement

You've covered both views and provided your personal opinion, aligning well with the essay prompt.

Coherence & Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for your essay.

Task Achievement

You made an effort to discuss benefits and drawbacks for each viewpoint, offering a balanced discussion.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

344 words

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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

TOPIC : The movement of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing many cities today. Discuss the main causes. What solutions can be used to tackle the situation?

Some people get into debt buying things they don't need and can'y afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent having this problem

Team activities can teach more skills for life than those activities ,which are played alone .To what exteny do you agree or disagree .

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

nformation technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?