Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays,
Adults
in some countries have the choice whether staying
at home or live alone. Change the verb form
to stay
While
some argue that offspring to live alone when they grow up , others advocate that they should sit with their family. In this
essay , I will discuss the
both arguments. From my perspective, I completely agree with the second view with some supervision from their parent.
On the one hand, various Remove the article
apply
parents
advise their youngsters to live alone when they become adult
because of several reasons. Fix the agreement mistake
adults
Firstly
, living without a family may teach the adults
to become independent and responsibility
. Replace the word
responsible
For example
, the
youngsters are becoming responsible for paying bills Correct article usage
apply
such
as phones, electricity
and renting a place to sit in. Another positive reason for leaving homes and Correct word choice
and electricity
sit
alone is that Wrong verb form
sitting
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
adults
to grow early and start their own careers which help
them to start their own Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For example
, the adult try
to find a job vacancy to earn his Change the verb form
tries
livings
. All these positives could help the Fix the agreement mistake
living
adults
to be benefit for his family and society, too.
On the other hand
, other parents
argue about taking care of their sons and daughters by keeping them staying after age at home. This
opinion also
has some pros because it provides more care and interest for adults
from the parents
side. Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
For example
, the
young people could get Correct article usage
apply
the
financial support Correct article usage
apply
as well as
the
Correct article usage
apply
spirt
Correct your spelling
spirit
one
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
In other words
, when there is a problem, the parents
will help them to solve it. In addition
, they can get the
enough protection from being Remove the article
apply
upuse
Correct your spelling
abused
from
other Change preposition
by
persons
in Replace the word
people
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Finally
, by taking care of offspring, the
society could live in Correct article usage
apply
safety
place.
Replace the word
a safe
To sum up
, Keeping youngsters with parents
or giving them the chance to identify the life by leaving them alone Correct pronoun usage
their parents
is depended
on the Wrong verb form
depends
parents
' attitude and their culture
background Replace the word
cultural
as well as
their faith.As,
I mentioned before, I believe in allowing Remove the comma
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
adults
to live alone without cuting gheir
relationship with their Correct your spelling
cutting their
parents
and to get the
support whenever they Correct article usage
apply
need
.Correct pronoun usage
need it
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Task Achievement
Remember to clarify your main ideas more distinctly, ensuring your opinion is clearly stated throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Offer more specific examples to support your arguments. This helps in making your points clearer and more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs. This helps the reader understand the main idea of each paragraph right from the start.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly by using a variety of linking words and cohesive devices. This enhances readability and flow.
Task Achievement
You've covered both views and provided your personal opinion, aligning well with the essay prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for your essay.
Task Achievement
You made an effort to discuss benefits and drawbacks for each viewpoint, offering a balanced discussion.