IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they age, while others think they should stay home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,
Adults
Use synonyms
 in some countries have the choice whether
staying
Change the verb form
to stay
show examples
 at home or live alone.
While
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 some argue that offspring to live alone when they grow up , others advocate that they should sit with their family. In
this
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 essay , I will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
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both arguments. From my perspective, I completely agree with the second view with some supervision from their parent. On the one hand, various
parents
Use synonyms
 advise their youngsters to live alone when they become
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 because of several reasons.
Firstly
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, living without a family may teach the
adults
Use synonyms
 to become independent and
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
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.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters are becoming responsible for paying bills
such
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 as phones,
electricity
Correct word choice
and electricity
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 and renting a place to sit in. Another positive reason for leaving homes and
sit
Wrong verb form
sitting
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 alone is that
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
 to grow early and start their own careers which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them to start their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
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, the adult
try
Change the verb form
tries
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 to find a job vacancy to earn his
livings
Fix the agreement mistake
living
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. All these positives could help the
adults
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 to be benefit for his family and society, too.
On the other hand
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, other
parents
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 argue about taking care of their sons and daughters by keeping them staying after age at home.
This
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 opinion
also
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 has some pros because it provides more care and interest for
adults
Use synonyms
 from the
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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 side.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young people could get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial support
as well as
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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spirt
Correct your spelling
spirit
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
In other words
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, when there is a problem, the
parents
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 will help them to solve it.
In addition
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, they can get
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
enough protection from being
upuse
Correct your spelling
abused
from
Change preposition
by
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 other
persons
Replace the word
people
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Finally
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, by taking care of offspring,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society could live in
safety
Replace the word
a safe
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 place.
To sum up
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, Keeping youngsters with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 or giving them the chance to identify the life by leaving them alone
is depended
Wrong verb form
depends
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 on the
parents
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' attitude and their
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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 background
as well as
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 their faith.As
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 I mentioned before, I believe in allowing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adults
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 to live alone without
cuting gheir
Correct your spelling
cutting their
 relationship with their
parents
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 and to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support whenever they
need
Correct pronoun usage
need it
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Remember to clarify your main ideas more distinctly, ensuring your opinion is clearly stated throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Offer more specific examples to support your arguments. This helps in making your points clearer and more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs. This helps the reader understand the main idea of each paragraph right from the start.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly by using a variety of linking words and cohesive devices. This enhances readability and flow.
Task Achievement
You've covered both views and provided your personal opinion, aligning well with the essay prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framework for your essay.
Task Achievement
You made an effort to discuss benefits and drawbacks for each viewpoint, offering a balanced discussion.
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