IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give the reasons and relative examples upon your own experiences.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place #experiences
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Nowadays education is the essential thing for improving the
society
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. Some citizens believe that
parents
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 should teach children how to be a good part of the community .
While
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 , others, think
this
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 can not be the duty of
parents
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 and
school
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 is the
place
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 to learn
this
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 . The principal reason that the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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childs
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child's
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 home should be the primary
place
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 for learning the essential
principals
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principles
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to
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of
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 being a good member of
society
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 . As a reason for that the basic part of
kids
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kids'
kid's
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 life is the relationship between them and their
parents
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 and the friendly atmosphere in their families that might encourage them more than the educational places. So, the
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parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 main task is how to teach
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 children those values that assist them to be an excellent person in
society
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 . Many psychological researchers say that the best phase of the childhood cycle to implant important values and beliefs is the age between 3-7 (primary
school
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 age) .
Cosequently
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Consequently
, after that
stage
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stage,
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 they only can modify those values and thoughts.
On the other hand
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,
school
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 is the second
place
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 to learn of the value of these moral characteristics that can not be achieved just at home . When the child enters a wider community
such
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 as
,
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apply
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a
school
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 that
consist
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consists
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 of teachers and peers . They will learn how to deal with each other even if they are from
varios
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various
 backgrounds.
Also
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, learn how to cooperate with each other and
finally
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 gain social competencies. In conclusion, I believe that being a valuable member of
society
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 is not
that
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apply
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like simple skills but
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a childs
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childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
show examples
 home should be the primary
place
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 for learning essential
principals
Correct your spelling
principles
show examples
as well
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as
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and
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school
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 will ensure that kids understand and are aware of the importance of those standards.
Submitted by israa.lolo99 on

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Grammar
Pay attention to repetitive grammatical errors that can hinder the clarity of your arguments. Regular practice and review can help improve accuracy.
Sentence Variation
Consider varying your sentence structures for a more sophisticated writing style. Use complex sentences and a mix of sentence lengths to enhance readability.
Punctuation
Review punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas, to ensure sentences are correctly structured and clear.
Content
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints on where children should learn societal morals, providing a balanced and comprehensive examination.
Structure
You've demonstrated a strong capability to construct a logical argument, with each paragraph clearly supporting your thesis.
Supporting Evidence
The use of specific examples and reasoning to support your views enhances the persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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