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Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give the reasons and relative examples upon your own experiences.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place #experiences
Nowadays education is the essential thing for improving the
society
. Some citizens believe that
parents
 should teach children how to be a good part of the community .
While
 , others, think
this
 can not be the duty of
parents
 and
school
 is the
place
 to learn
this
 . The principal reason that the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
show examples
 home should be the primary
place
 for learning the essential
principals
Correct your spelling
principles
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 being a good member of
society
 . As a reason for that the basic part of
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 life is the relationship between them and their
parents
 and the friendly atmosphere in their families that might encourage them more than the educational places. So, the
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 main task is how to teach
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 children those values that assist them to be an excellent person in
society
 . Many psychological researchers say that the best phase of the childhood cycle to implant important values and beliefs is the age between 3-7 (primary
school
 age) .
Cosequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, after that
stage
Add a comma
stage,
show examples
 they only can modify those values and thoughts.
On the other hand
,
school
 is the second
place
 to learn of the value of these moral characteristics that can not be achieved just at home . When the child enters a wider community
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
a
school
 that
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 of teachers and peers . They will learn how to deal with each other even if they are from
varios
Correct your spelling
various
 backgrounds.
Also
, learn how to cooperate with each other and
finally
 gain social competencies. In conclusion, I believe that being a valuable member of
society
 is not
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
like simple skills but
Correct article usage
a childs
show examples
childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
show examples
 home should be the primary
place
 for learning essential
principals
Correct your spelling
principles
show examples
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
school
 will ensure that kids understand and are aware of the importance of those standards.
Submitted by israa.lolo99 on

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Grammar
Pay attention to repetitive grammatical errors that can hinder the clarity of your arguments. Regular practice and review can help improve accuracy.
Sentence Variation
Consider varying your sentence structures for a more sophisticated writing style. Use complex sentences and a mix of sentence lengths to enhance readability.
Punctuation
Review punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas, to ensure sentences are correctly structured and clear.
Content
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints on where children should learn societal morals, providing a balanced and comprehensive examination.
Structure
You've demonstrated a strong capability to construct a logical argument, with each paragraph clearly supporting your thesis.
Supporting Evidence
The use of specific examples and reasoning to support your views enhances the persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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