IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in a city,while others think that bicyles are better. Discuss both points if view and give your opinion.

It is considered by some that transportation within a
city
Use synonyms
 is easiest by motorcars which is mainly because It can
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
time
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others, who are more
health
Use synonyms
 conscious,
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are a better option. We can't say which is a better option because it depends on the person's preference.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 use
cars
Use synonyms
 for transport as much of their valuable
time
Use synonyms
 will be saved. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are always in a hurry to do something, either to get to work in
time
Use synonyms
 or
opening
Change the verb form
to open
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 shop at the exact
time
Use synonyms
. So, they don't want to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on the road. As
cars
Use synonyms
 are one of the fastest
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 of transport, they become more popular these days.
For instance
Linking Words
, we can see all kinds of
cars
Use synonyms
, like private
cars
Use synonyms
 or
taxi
Fix the agreement mistake
taxis
show examples
 or buses, more and more on the busy roads of Kathmandu, which is the capital
city
Use synonyms
 of Nepal.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that using
two wheelers
Add a hyphen
two-wheelers
show examples
 with peddles can bring more
health
Use synonyms
 benefits. Riding
bicycles
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 a kind of exercise and for those
people
Use synonyms
 who are as busy as a bee
Correct word choice
and couldn't
show examples
couldn't
Wrong verb form
can't
show examples
 give
time
Use synonyms
 for
health
Use synonyms
 or a gym session, going to and from
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 with it is beneficial for them. To illustrate, riding
bicycles
Use synonyms
 for work these days is becoming more popular in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 than ever before. In conclusion, even
there
Correct word choice
though there
show examples
 are many
health
Use synonyms
 benefits of riding
bicycles
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for our
health
Use synonyms
, I think using
cars
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 one of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 transportation in the
city
Use synonyms
 as
this
Linking Words
 can give us more extra
time
Use synonyms
 to do some other
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. And the number of
cars
Use synonyms
, on the road
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
city
Use synonyms
,
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing day by day.

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Introduction
Try to provide a clear introduction that outlines both viewpoints and your own stance, which could make your position more explicit from the beginning.
Coherence
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence.
Support
Give more specific examples to support each viewpoint to strengthen your argument. Real-world examples make your response more persuasive.
Balance
Consider expanding your essay with a balanced discussion on both viewpoints before reaching a conclusion. This gives your argument more depth.
Conclusion
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed and reaffirming your stance clearly. This strengthens the overall argument.
Content
You successfully presented two contrasting viewpoints on the topic of transportation within a city.
Examples
You included specific examples, like the busy roads of Kathmandu and the increasing popularity of bicycle riding in the UK, which adds relevance to your points.
Opinion
Your essay concludes with a clear statement of your opinion, showing good task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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