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Writing Samples
Band 4

Average daily sales of four products, by numbers of servings in winter and summer

#sales #four #products #numbers #servings #winter #summer
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The bar graph provides details about the portions of five different products sold on average per day in two seasons. Namely, in
winter
 and summer.

Overall
, it is clear from the graph that the demand for hot
coffee
 and soup was higher in
winter
whereas
 icy products were mostly preferred in
hot
Add an article
the hot
show examples
 season.

 In
winter
 the daily sales of hot
coffee
 reached approximately 75 cups
while
 the number of soups sold was 25 servings lower than
coffee
. At the same period of time, people consumed almost the same amount of ice cream and salad, both approximately 25.
In
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 the figure for iced
coffee
 was the lowest around 1 or 2 cups
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.

 In hot weather
conditions
Add a comma
conditions,
show examples
 the sales of iced
coffee
 rose dramatically and reached a peak, at 40 servings each day
while
 the number of ice cream purchased experienced a 20-serving increase. The demand for hot
coffee
 and soup saw
almost
Add an article
an almost
show examples
 two-fold decrease,
however
, people preferred to eat the same amount of salad in summer as they used to in
winter
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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introduction/conclusion
Try to include a more detailed introduction and conclusion to better frame your analysis.
coherence
Incorporating a wider variety of linking words could improve the flow of your essay.
clarity
Ensure all data comparisons are clear and specific to enhance the clarity of your analysis.
task achievement
Effectively distinguished between the seasonal trends of product sales.
clarity
Your comparison of sales figures between winter and summer was clear and informative.
structure
The structure of the essay allowed for an easy understanding of the data presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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