IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

There seem to be an increasing number of serious crimes commited each year. while some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed.

Undoubtedly, there has been an increase in the numbers of serious crimes in today's era.
While
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 some people opine best measure to take against these criminals is to give them
death
Use synonyms
penalty
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. Others believe in taking measures other than
death
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 sentence will discuss each side in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, in some nation
for instance
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 UAE, Pakistan and India,
death
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 sentence is a common practice in case of a serious offence
such
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 as Rape, murder, terrorism and many more. The punishment involves termination of an individual's life after fulfilling their
last
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 wish. Supporters in favour of
this
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 practice believe it sets an example and helps in reduction in number of
such
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 serious offense.
For example
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: Act of terrorism and Rape are considered to be the biggest crime in Asia and doer of
such
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 offense is often sentenced to
death
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penalty
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.
However
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, some other individual claim that other strategies should be studied and developed
instead
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. Meanwhile, believer of other measures thinks preventive approaches should be taken to reduce high class felonies.
penalty
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 like
community
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 work or a small term imprisonment could play a better role in reducing crime in the society.
Penalty
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SUCH
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 AS:
community
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 work involves completing "n" number of hours serving
community
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 it could range from collecting rubbish on the road to working in a factory for free. People opine
this
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 would help in betterment of the society.
Moreover
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, it could
also
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 lead to change the mindset of the person (criminal) by giving them the second chance. In recent studies by university of Texas unfolds the reduced number of criminal activities by introducing
community
Use synonyms
 work as a punishment in some parts of US. In conclusion,
although
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 capital punishment works as a deterrent to some extent. other measures play an effective role as well. It is crucial that the government and the criminal justice system consider the effects of each measure before enforcing it.

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Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to enrich your essay. This could help make your arguments more dynamic and engaging.
Coherence
Be sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and enhance clarity. Even small mistakes can distract from the overall quality of your argument.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points further by providing more detailed examples and evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
Content
Successfully presented a balanced view on the topic by discussing both sides of the argument.
Structure
Effectively used an introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion.
Examples
Included relevant examples to support your points, such as the use of capital punishment in Asia and community work in parts of the US.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • ethical considerations
  • economic factors
  • social factors
  • community policing
  • public opinion
  • recidivism rates
  • community-driven initiatives
  • modern policing methods
  • death penalty
  • serious crimes
  • crime rates
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