Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little impact on public health and measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Staying healthy is the main goal of
people
around the world. Some people
argue that in order to improve the health of local
public, the best way is to increase the number of local sports amenities. I believe, that taking Add an article
the local
consideration
of other important factors plays a great role Change preposition
into consideration
for
maintaining Change preposition
in
a
good health and Remove the article
apply
overall
well being
.
On the one hand, if the government should open more sports facilities in the local areas like in public parks, it will help Add a hyphen
well-being
people
to stay healthy and fit. Installing of
basic gym equipment in the parks will encourage more and more Change preposition
apply
people
to use them. Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
people
do not join specific gyms because they don’t
afford their membership Verb problem
can’t
fee
. Fix the agreement mistake
fees
For example
, when people
do not have to pay any fee for using these tools than
they will be encouraged to use them regularly and that will help them to manage their weight as well. Correct your spelling
then
Also
other facilities like Add a comma
Also,
opening
of swimming pools and installation of Add an article
the opening
basket ball
courts will help Correct your spelling
basketball
people
to generate their interest in these games.
On the contrary
, other group
of Change the wording
groups
people
are in favour of different effective steps that can be taken. Awareness campaigns should be run by the government to impart knowledge regarding the detrimental impacts of smoking, drugs and intake
of frozen food. Correct article usage
the intake
People
need to be educated regarding the benefits of fresh and healthy food. Products that are harmful for
health need to be more expensive and some of them should be banned from use. More tax should be imposed on these items Change the preposition
to
for instance
on the pack of cigarette
and on the packed food to discourage Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
people
for their purchase.
In conclusion, although
both of the points have strong arguments and it is beneficial to expand the fitness areas locally, I am still convinced of the fact that people
must be educated about the disastrous effects of the products they are consuming and rather should increase the intake of nutritional
diet.Add an article
a nutritional
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task achievement
Work on developing a clearer and more concise thesis statement that directly addresses the question.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the essay question in the conclusion, succinctly summarizing your opinion supported by the discussion in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Increase the variety and accuracy of your vocabulary to better express specific ideas and examples.
task achievement
Pay close attention to the prompt and ensure all parts of the question are fully answered, including discussing both views and giving your own opinion.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite