Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Others believe that students should spend their whole day on academic studies. Discuss both the views and state your opinion?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
a
Correct article usage
apply
school
subjects and their importance to our life.And among
various engineering subjects like math,chemistry,physics and humanitarian sciences like history or languages,loads of us believe that physical culture Correct word choice
Among
also
has become an essential part of our life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
,there is no absolute agreement on whether physical culture should be in school
program
or not.
A commonly held belief is that having Fix the agreement mistake
programs
sport
in schools is just a waste of time and resources.As evidence of this
they point to the fact that children must go to Add a comma
this,
school
in order to take a
education and no more.Change the article
an
For instance
,there school
schedules,that Add a missing verb
are school
intended
for 6 subjects per day,so there Add a missing verb
are intended
30
lessons every week,and 4 of them are physical education.The majority opinion says it could be better to include more Add a missing verb
are 30
hours
for each lessons
Change to a singular noun
lesson
instead
of 4 hours
of sport
.Furthermore
,people who think there is no need in
Change preposition
for
sport
,explain it by the fact that there could be Fix the agreement mistake
sports
such
a big number of injuries during sport
,and even some Fix the agreement mistake
sports
individual
can get hurt Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
while
they are warming-up
.
Correct your spelling
warming up
On the other hand
,some people claim that children are needed in sport
.They may mention that children sometimes want to relax from daily hard studies.4-5 Fix the agreement mistake
sports
hours
of study could be difficult for some individuals,and physical activities can help them to chill.In addition
,because of long
time of studying,youngsters have no time to stretch their Change the article
a long
body
,Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
that
is necessary for absolutely everyone.
In conclusion,I would argue that Correct pronoun usage
which
sport
do not get in the way of children’s education,Fix the agreement mistake
sports
on the contrary
,it is a crucial part of schooling,and at least 2-3 hours
of activities in school
should be in every school
’s scheduleSubmitted by dnm.best on
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coherence
You have a good structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the introduction could be clearer and more concise. Try to avoid mixing different points in a single sentence.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are well-supported with relevant examples. In your current essay, examples are somewhat general. Adding specific studies or statistical data could strengthen your argument.
language
Work on improving the precision of your language. Some sentences are awkward or contain minor grammatical errors. Proofreading your essay could help you identify and correct these mistakes more effectively.
coherence
Your points are generally clear, but some ideas seem a bit repetitive. Aim for more variety in your expressions and ensure each sentence adds new information or perspective.
coherence
The essay has a logical flow from introduction to conclusion, with clear sectioning of ideas into different paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and reiterates the importance of physical education in schools.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?