Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Others believe that students should spend their whole day on academic studies. Discuss both the views and state your opinion?

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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school
subjects and their importance to our life.
And among
Correct word choice
Among
show examples
various engineering subjects like math,chemistry,physics and humanitarian sciences like history or languages,loads of us believe that physical culture
also
has become an essential part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
However
,there is no absolute agreement on whether physical culture should be in
school
program
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programs
show examples
or not. A commonly held belief is that having
sport
in schools is just a waste of time and resources.As evidence of
this
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this,
show examples
they point to the fact that children must go to
school
in order to take
a
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an
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education and no more.
For instance
,there
school
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are school
show examples
schedules,that
intended
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are intended
show examples
for 6 subjects per day,so there
30
Add a missing verb
are 30
show examples
lessons every week,and 4 of them are physical education.The majority opinion says it could be better to include more
hours
for each
lessons
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lesson
show examples
instead
of 4
hours
of
sport
.
Furthermore
,people who think there is no need
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
,explain it by the fact that there could be
such
a big number of injuries during
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
,and even some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
can get hurt
while
they are
warming-up
Correct your spelling
warming up
show examples
.
On the other hand
,some people claim that children are needed in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.They may mention that children sometimes want to relax from daily hard studies.4-5
hours
of study could be difficult for some individuals,and physical activities can help them to chill.
In addition
,because of
long
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a long
show examples
time of studying,youngsters have no time to stretch their
body
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bodies
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is necessary for absolutely everyone. In conclusion,I would argue that
sport
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sports
show examples
do not get in the way of children’s education,
on the contrary
,it is a crucial part of schooling,and at least 2-3
hours
of activities in
school
should be in every
school
’s schedule
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence
You have a good structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the introduction could be clearer and more concise. Try to avoid mixing different points in a single sentence.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are well-supported with relevant examples. In your current essay, examples are somewhat general. Adding specific studies or statistical data could strengthen your argument.
language
Work on improving the precision of your language. Some sentences are awkward or contain minor grammatical errors. Proofreading your essay could help you identify and correct these mistakes more effectively.
coherence
Your points are generally clear, but some ideas seem a bit repetitive. Aim for more variety in your expressions and ensure each sentence adds new information or perspective.
coherence
The essay has a logical flow from introduction to conclusion, with clear sectioning of ideas into different paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and reiterates the importance of physical education in schools.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical exercise
  • Academic studies
  • Mental health
  • Concentration
  • Time management
  • Teamwork
  • Social skills
  • Correlation
  • Curriculum
  • Physical fitness
  • Intellectual development
  • Balanced approach
  • Lifestyle habits
  • Well-being
  • Mandatory
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