in many countries people are now living longer than ever before. some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. to what extent do the advantages of having an ageing populaiton outweigh the disadvantages? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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Due to
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advancement
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advancements

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in technology,
people
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now are able to live longer than before. Whilst many think that
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing

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population has more problems for the government, I believe that having older
people
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in
community
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the community
a community

The noun phrase community seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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is more beneficial, and
this
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has more
poitives
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positives
positive

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than drawbacks. One of the
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages

The singular countable noun advantage follows the quantifier One of, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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of more old
people
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in society is that
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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these
people
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are full of experience, and they will share their experiences of life with young individuals. Young
people
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will always have something new to learn from their elders.
Moreover
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, grandparents have influence in families, they with their right guidance and expert advice are able to solve many problems,
also
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they always help their children and
grand children
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grandchildren

The word grand children seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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to follow
right
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the right

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direction and path in life.
In addition
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, they are the best
care takers
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caretakers

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of their
grand children
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grandchildren

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when parents are not able to monitor them. If we talk about old employees in various companies, older
people
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are more loyal and reliable
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Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

then
Correct your spelling
than

The word then doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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youngsters. There are so many multinational
organsitions
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organisations
organisation
organizations

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in which
people
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in different departments are working for long tenures and spend about thirty to
fourty
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forty
four

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years in one organisation, and they with their expert
advise
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advice

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benefit the company in
long
Correct article usage
the long

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run.
For example
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, many large
corpartes
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corporates

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are able to maximise their profits
due to
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the
loyality
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loyalty

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of their old employees and the suggestions they provide.
However
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, as far as
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages

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of having more elders
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
governement
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government

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in nations are concerned,
then
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there are increased burdens of medicare and pensions. The government have to spend more on providing healthcare facilities to them as
this
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is a fact that with ageing,
people
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start to have various health issues
Also
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, with
Correct article usage
an exccessive
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exccessive
Correct your spelling
excessive

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older population, the
governement
Correct your spelling
government

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needs to set a certain budget for them in order to provide pensions to manage their cost
os
Correct your spelling
of

The word os doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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living, so
instead
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of spending on other recreational and public services, they have to support elder for their living. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with more older population
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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governments will
overwhelm
Wrong verb form
be overwhelmed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb overwhelm. Consider changing it.

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with additional burdens to provide medical and pension
facilties
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facilities

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to them,
their
Change the word
the

The word their may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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benefits like experience, expertise, and
loyality
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loyalty

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they have for
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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society and companies cannot be overlooked.

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Introduction
Make sure your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines your view clearly. This sets a strong foundation for your argument.
Cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. While you have a good structure, varying your connectors can elevate your writing.
Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples or statistics would make your argument more convincing.
Position
While discussing both sides of the argument, ensure to maintain a clear position throughout your essay. This will strengthen the coherence of your response.
Introduction
You've done a good job introducing the topic and stating your opinion in the introduction.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs for each main idea.
Examples
You have effectively used examples to illustrate your points, though more specificity could make them even stronger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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