Some childeren spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negatif development?
In
this
modern era, smartphones
have become a necessity to assist our daily tasks. A number of parents allow their offspring to have smartphones
to keep them occupied. In this
essay, I will illuminate why the positive effect of this
situation surpassed the negative effect on children, drawing on relevant examples.
In some cases, parents who both work to achieve ends meet tend to neglect their minors and leave them with nannies who can't provide them with parental supervision, and grooming. For example
, when a boy watches a
TV, he might absorb some misleading information or even harmful scenes like combat movies. Correct article usage
apply
This
,
leads to rebellious acts like bullying in the student environment. Remove the comma
apply
However
, this
situation could be addressed by parental supervision and controlled habits in children.
On the other side, having a smartphone could enhance kids' academic scores by providing access to valuable resources and information. For example
, if a student is puzzled about his math questions, he could simply search for how to solve them by simply watching videos on YouTube or discussing it on social media with his friends. Therefore
, students could boost their scores at school and obtain their desired achievements in order to pursue their future goals.
To sum up
, it is crystal clear that children who have smartphones
might experience the negative effects of having a smartphone if not accompanied by parental supervision. However
, the positive effects of smartphones
outweigh the negative effects in the case of academic enrichment to support the young generations to achieve their dreams.Submitted by vabeladita on
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Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the question by stating your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion. While you've discussed positive and negative aspects, making your stance clearer from the start could enhance task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Aim for more varied sentence structures and transitions between ideas to enhance readability and flow. This would help in boosting coherence.
General
Consider proofreading to correct minor inaccuracies, such as awkward phrasings or typographical errors, to improve the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
Effective use of examples to support arguments, which helps to illustrate your points clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good job in structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite