IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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While
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 some countries support the idea of having a legal drinking
age
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, others are not in favour of it. The absence of laws limiting the
consumption
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 of
alcohol
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 to certain ages can be favourable in some regards, but I personally advocate for the imposition of
age
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 restrictions on
alcohol
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 intake. On the one hand, some nations are reluctant to put in place a legal
age
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 for drinking
due to
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 logistical and economic issues involved.
While
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 implementing
such
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 a policy is feasible, enforcing it can be extremely challenging. It is impractical for authorities to have police officers check all parties and celebrations to ensure underage individuals steer clear of alcoholic beverages.
Likewise
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, legal measures may be futile if parents are supportive of
alcohol
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consumption
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 among their children and facilitate it at home.
Moreover
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, some raise concerns over
alcohol
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-related businesses,
such
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 as beer and wine producers and distributors, becoming redundant if a legal
age
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 limit were to go into effect.
This
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 could very likely lead to job losses and financial setbacks. I,
however
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, hold the view that setting a legal drinking
age
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 is critically important. When young people have free rein regarding
alcohol
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consumption
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, they are bound to experience health problems.
This
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 is because a juvenile body cannot process alcoholic beverages
as well as
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 that of an adult, making them prone to nausea, dizziness, and headaches. In some cases, early exposure to
alcohol
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 can lead to organ failure and cancers, necessitating legal safeguards around
alcohol
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 intake. There are
also
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 social implications to be borne in mind for young people. Underage drinking can give way to
alcohol
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 addiction over time, which is one of the common causes of social exclusion and socially unacceptable behaviours
such
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 as aggression and crime. To preempt these issues, governments are wise to set an
age
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 limit on
alcohol
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consumption
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. In conclusion, despite the difficulty of establishing a legal
age
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 for drinking and the resulting economic problems, countries should do so if they aim to tackle health and social issues stemming from unregulated
alcohol
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consumption
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline the sides in your introduction to set a more comprehensive framework for your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Consider stronger transitions between points to enhance the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Provide specific examples or data to back up your claims regarding health issues and economic implications which will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and maintains focus throughout, addressing both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The overall organization of your essay is strong, with a logical progression of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
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