A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter • describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team • summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts • say how you think the company should spend the money

#company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children’s #sports #team #two #years #concerts #feedback #summarise

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my opinion on the upcoming decision that your company has to make to allocate sponsorship to children’s

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

community

concerts.| In terms of the first option, sponsoring a local children’s

sports

team would not only provide them

financial

Change preposition

with financial

show examples

support, but it would

also

give youngsters in the

community

an opportunity to participate in organized

sports

This

would help them to develop physically and mentally

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

also

teach them the importance of teamwork and discipline.

However

, paying for the concerts would provide a unique form of entertainment for a wider audience. There is a dearth of free options in the

community

for entertainment and bringing everyone together would create better bonds among all cultures and generations. In my view,

while

the concerts would be enjoyable for some, they would not have the same long-term benefits for the

community

as sponsoring the

sports

team. Based on

this

, I think the company should allocate the money to sponsor the local children’s

sports

team for two years. Thank you for considering my opinion. Yours faithfully, Gary Smith

Submitted by amandacflago23 on Fri Mar 22 2024

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writing tone

To further elevate your writing tone, try to personalize the greeting rather than using the generic 'Sir or Madam', if possible. This minor adjustment can add a touch of personalization and warmth to your letter.

logical structure

For an even more engaging and solid structure, consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. This technique can help to guide your reader through your argumentation more seamlessly.

single idea per paragraph

You've done a great job focusing on a single idea per paragraph, which enhances the letter's clarity and readability. To improve even further, consider adding brief examples or anecdotes to support your points, making your argumentation more vivid and persuasive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

183 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

sponsor
sportsmanship
fosters
cultivates
talents
accessible
cultural entertainment
boosts
tourism
temporary employment opportunities
patron of the arts
community engagement
long-term impact
economic benefits
alternating support
maximize community impact

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