IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is universally acknowledged that
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 advancement has extensively penetrated into diverse spheres of
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 and a criminal aspect as well. Some proponents of
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
technology
Add an article
the technology
show examples
 believe that it assists
to decrease
Change preposition
in decreasing
show examples
 the crime rate in societies,
however
Linking Words
, some oppose
this
Linking Words
 statement and maintain an increase
due to
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will express both
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 my orientation. It is undeniable that police services are widely affected by
technology
Use synonyms
 development, and the process of detecting and identifying
criminals
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 fostered. In the past, finding clues and evidence
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 extremely tough
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 took a long time to find
criminals
Use synonyms
;
then
Linking Words
,
criminals
Use synonyms
 committed more crimes
due to
Linking Words
inefficiency
Correct article usage
the inefficiency
show examples
 of
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
 days, through advanced equipment, detectives can arrest thieves,
murders
Replace the word
murderers
show examples
, muggers, and burglars conveniently;
as a result
Linking Words
, it leads to
decreasing
Replace the word
a decrease in
show examples
 the number of
criminals
Use synonyms
 in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Qatar has been equipped with security cameras installed everywhere, so statistics show that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no thieves there because of
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
show examples
identifying
Replace the word
identification
show examples
 process.
However
Linking Words
, opponents believe that
as well as
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 has eased police services so has
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
crime
Add an article
the crime
a crime
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
, new crimes have been developed
along with
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 penetration which is cybercrime. Cybercriminals have access to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wide range of data by a click which is not only people’s possession but
also
Linking Words
 their identification because all of these data are pre-feed in
e-bank
Fix the agreement mistake
e-banks
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, stealing has become simpler than before through coding and hacking data
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 without any physical
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 to high rate of cybercrime among people.
For instance
Linking Words
, numerous organizations have been hacked in Iran,
such
Linking Words
 as Payam Nor and Azad
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
, Snapp company and Sanjesh organization. In conclusion, the drawbacks of
technology
Use synonyms
 in various aspects are accepted throughout the world and crime is no exception. Despite the fact that it provides a sufficient bed for
criminals
Use synonyms
 to
boost committing
Wrong verb form
commit
show examples
 crimes, it helps detectives to arrest them
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 I believe that its assistance weighs more
its
Change preposition
on its
show examples
 negative impact.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically from one to the next. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid unnecessary repetition of words and phrases. Instead, use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to keep your writing engaging.
task achievement
Provide more detailed explanations and elaborations of the main points. This will help to make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences more smoothly. For example, words like 'therefore,' 'consequently,' and 'moreover' can be used to show cause and effect relationships.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both viewpoints in your essay, providing examples to support each side.
task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and clearly present the topic and your opinion.
task achievement
The examples you used are relevant and effectively illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • surveillance
  • forensic science
  • cybercrime
  • data theft
  • anonymity
  • illicit activities
  • law enforcement
  • jurisdictions
  • crime prevention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: