IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that modern
technology
Use synonyms
 changed the way that
kids
Use synonyms
 invest their leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 commonly held belief that the new
technology
Use synonyms
 has various advantages, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyze
this
Linking Words
 topic from both points of view. On one hand, the newest
technology
Use synonyms
 provides several advantages
such
Linking Words
 as an increased level of intelligence.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a wide range of mobile apps costumes for
children
Use synonyms
 that utilize an unlocked horizon and raise IQ levels,
such
Linking Words
 as Lego games.
In addition
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of encouraging them with unbeneficial activities, we can by the new
technology
Use synonyms
 to lead the
children
Use synonyms
 to the right sources and give us a chance to keep an eye on them.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a study published in 2022 by the University of Oxford that showed that recent
technology
Use synonyms
 can influence
kids
Use synonyms
 with the right information around 95% against the traditional methods.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some drawbacks should be considered
such
Linking Words
 as
children
Use synonyms
 being exposed to losing communication skills.
For example
Linking Words
, when your
kids
Use synonyms
 spend their spare
time
Use synonyms
 on smartphones all the
time
Use synonyms
 that means you isolated them from others.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is essential not to forget the medical issues.
For instance
Linking Words
, back, neck and vision problems
this
Linking Words
 is a crucial
things
Change the noun form
thing
show examples
 that must be taken into consideration. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I tend to believe that new
technology
Use synonyms
 has a significant impact on
children
Use synonyms
's free
time
Use synonyms
, sadly it prevents
kids
Use synonyms
 from exploring life and making childhood memories. Not to forget the early medical problems.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that sets the theme, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that theme with examples or explanations. This will strengthen the cohesion of your essay.
Linking
Review the use of linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Varied and appropriate use can enhance coherence.
Accuracy
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as they can disrupt the reader's engagement with your content. Regular proofreading can mitigate these issues.
Content
Try to provide a balanced view in the discussion by exploring both sides of the argument equally before drawing a conclusion. This shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
Examples
Effective use of examples to support points has made your essay more convincing.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion provide a clear overarching view of your argument, contributing significantly to the coherence of the essay.
Task Response
You've shown a good attempt to cover both sides of the argument, reflecting solid task achievement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: