some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Recently, many adolescents occupied their most of time with gadgets.
This
phenomenon has been raised for the past 10 years as one of the consequences of the growth of
technology
. In my opinion,
this
case should be a positive sign if it is followed by increasing parent wisdom.
However
, despite the fact that too much time spent on smartphones causes health problems for
children
in the future. In
this
era,
the
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fast-changing
technology
is undeniable for human beings including
children
. The growth in
technology
should be balanced with people’s wisdom.
Parents
need to update their ability to nurture their kids which fits in
this
digital era. With better knowledge of the
parents
on how to deal with contemporary parental methodology,
technology
will no longer be a threat to them. On the one hand, gadgets have changed people’s behaviour and could raise health problems in the long term. The least effect of continuously using of smartphone is tiring eyes.
Furthermore
, the radiation of gadgets could reduce eye function. The fast movement of the videos or pictures on the smartphone can change the behaviour of the
children
to more tantrums and become addictive.
Finally
, to overcome these issues,
parents
should make a rule on the
use
of smartphones
for example
setting time limitations for each daily
use
. In conclusion, the
use
of any kind of gadget is more beneficial for the growth of
children
as long as it is followed by the knowledge of the
parents
to update their parental nurture.
On the other hand
,
parents
still need to make guidance and regulations on the
use
of phones to prevent health problems.
Submitted by nourmarasyidah on

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task achievement
Ensure you directly address both parts of the prompt. Explain more about why children spend so much time on smartphones to ensure a complete response.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but can be further elaborated with more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by adding clear topic sentences and using more transition phrases. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph sticks to a single main idea and is well-supported with examples and explanations for better cohesion.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets up the context and your opinion, providing a good starting point for your essay.
task achievement
The essay uses appropriate language and vocabulary to discuss the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, which adds to the coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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