IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some today argue that schools are no longer necessary because children can learn so much from the internet and be educated at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 modern world, the
internet
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 become popular among people and get any information that they want. Some people want
students
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 should get an education from the
Internet
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instead
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 of
schools
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. I will discuss the views on the benefits of
schools
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 and the
Internet
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 and will give my own opinion.
To begin
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 with,
Schools
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 provide us not only education but
also
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 teach the manners in
society
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. To explain,
schools
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 help to teach
students
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 discipline and how to behave in
society
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 through professional teachers.
For example
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, teachers give assignments to
students
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 which should be completed at a given time and it creates discipline in them which helps in their future when they get the job.
In addition
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, it generates unity among pupils when the teacher gives a task or project to a team, they share ideas with each other and present in class to make them united.
Therefore
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,
schools
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 teach every lesson of
society
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 by giving them tasks.
Moreover
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, learning through the
internet
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,
students
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 can become lazy because there is no teacher and no specific time to finish their task.
Although
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 the
Internet
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 provides information and keeps them updated it will depreciate socialising among them.
For instance
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, if pupils learn from home via the web, there will be no interaction with other
students
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 causing them less ability to communicate with others.
Thus
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,
Schools
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 should be necessary for better development of children. In conclusion,
although
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 the
Internet
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 has a plethora of benefits
schools
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 are essential to teaching
students
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 about
society
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 and behaviour which will support
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 their future.

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detail
In your essay, you made solid points regarding the importance of schools over internet-based learning. However, integrating more specific examples or real-world scenarios might strengthen your arguments. For example, mentioning a study or a statistic that shows the benefits of in-person learning could be convincing.
structure
To enhance the coherence of your essay, ensure a clear progression of ideas from paragraph to paragraph. Use linking words effectively to guide the reader through your argument. It might also help to explicitly outline the main ideas you will discuss in your introduction, making your essay's structure clearer to the reader.
accuracy
Be cautious with minor grammatical issues and sentence structure variations to improve readability and avoid ambiguity. Practice using a range of sentence structures to convey your ideas more effectively and to keep the reader engaged.
task response
You successfully addressed the prompt by discussing both views on the importance of school in comparison to learning via the internet and provided a clear opinion.
content
Your arguments for the necessity of schools, focusing on societal manners, discipline, and unity among students, were well-developed and relevant to the topic.
structure
The overall structure of your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion was coherent and logical.
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