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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The three pie charts provide information about the percentage of degrees granted in terms of four different professions at the National University over the period in question.

The three pie charts provide information about the percentage of degrees granted in terms of four different professions at the National University over the period in question.
#three #information #percentage #degrees #terms #four #professions #university #period
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The given pie charts
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the accumulation of degrees granted in percentage, related to different occupations at the National University in 1990, 2000, and 2010. It is crystal clear that the number of students who graduated
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
Computer
Correct article usage
a Computer
show examples
 Science degree in three different
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
 is the biggest compared to any other means of degrees mentioned. Followed by Medicine and Business.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Law has relatively the lowest number among the four
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
. About at least a third of National University
alumnus
Fix the agreement mistake
alumni
show examples
 has graduated from Computer Science over the period given. The second place was taken by Medicine which contributed
similarly
Linking Words
 about 25% in 1990 and 2010, and 30% in 2000. The same pattern as Medicine
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 for Law which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 15% in 1990 and 2010, and only 10% in 2000.
Business
Add an article
The business
show examples
 saw a gradual decrease through
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 mentioned. In 1990, it became the most popular major
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Computer Science.
Move
Wrong verb form
Moving
show examples
 to 2000 and 2010, the number saw a negative trend to just around 20%
yo
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 15%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentages
  • professions
  • industry demands
  • societal trends
  • gender distribution
  • equality
  • persistent gender gaps
  • job market
  • supply and demand
  • employment challenges
  • technological advancements
  • economic conditions
  • policy changes
  • societal shifts
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