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Band 7

Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #plan #activities #leisure #time
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is sometimes thought that
people
 ought to prepare comprehensive itineraries for their recreation
time
, there is disagreement on
this
 matter. In my opinion, I consider that planning in-depth activities helps individuals use their
time
 efficiently and make the most of their meaningful vacation
time
. On the one hand, some
people
 think that they can ensure that they engage in meaningful
time
 and enjoyable pursuits without wasting
time
 deciding what to do by planning the details of activities for their recreation
time
.
For example
, the company’s advocate team plans their engagements in advance, allocating specific
time
 slots for employee interests.
Consequently
, they maximise their
time
 for their self-care and fostering self-awareness.
Furthermore
, setting up elaborate plans can lead to increased productivity as
people
 are more motivated when they have clear schedules, resulting in efficient
time
 management and goal achievement.
On the other hand
, over-planing can indeed limit spontaneity and flexibility, thereby constraining persons in their free
time
. When every moment is meticulously scheduled, there is little room for adventures or exciting experiences,
for instance
, rigid plans might be a cause of missed opportunities for fun moments.
Moreover
,
this
 approach can contribute to burnout, especially when
people
 feel the constant pressure to optimize every aspect of their pastimes. The relentless pursuit of productivity can rob individuals of the enjoyment they seek which makes them feel exhausted. In conclusion,
while
 excessive planning may have disadvantages, I think that it is the key to maximise the value of rest and relaxation
time
 which promotes
overall
 well-being.
Submitted by ssssisi on

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language accuracy
Be cautious with minor grammatical errors and consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
detail enrichment
To further improve, try weaving in more specific examples or real-life scenarios to vividly illustrate your points.
structure
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, discussion of both views, and a conclusion that reflects your opinion.
coherence
You have effectively used linking words to maintain the flow of ideas, which contributes to the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
balanced argument
Your argument is well-balanced, discussing both sides before stating your own opinion, which satisfies the task requirement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • detailed activities
  • making the most
  • variety of experiences
  • waste of time
  • over-scheduling
  • spontaneity
  • relaxation
  • increase stress
  • balanced approach
  • impromptu decisions
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