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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the share of the Swiss Watch market by brand in 2020 and 2021. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features ,and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the share of the Swiss Watch market by brand in 2020 and 2021. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features ,and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart compares the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of Swiss Watch
market
Use synonyms
Share
Use synonyms
 for different
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
over
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 period of 2020-2021.
Overall
Linking Words
 , it is obvious except
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
share
Use synonyms
 number of
Rolex
Use synonyms
, the
Share
Use synonyms
 number of other
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 both slightly down. With
increase
Add an article
the increase
an increase
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of
Change preposition
in
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 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
Rolex
Use synonyms
 turnover,
Rolex
Use synonyms
market
Use synonyms
share
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, will
accounted
Change the verb form
account
be accounted
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of
Change preposition
for
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 half
Use synonyms
market
Correct article usage
the market
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie chart in 2020, the most popular Swiss watch brand is
Rolex
Use synonyms
 companies and
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
share
Use synonyms
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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to
Change preposition
apply
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39.5%. We could see that followed by the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of Omega and
Catier
Correct your spelling
Cartier
share
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 turnover standing at 15.6% and 15.4%, which approximately account for
third
Correct article usage
a third
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 of the total
market
Use synonyms
.The
last
Linking Words
 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
share
Use synonyms
 is about divided evenly between Patek, Longines and AP. As can be seen from the following pie chart in 2021, there was a significant rise in the number of Rolexs Company
Use synonyms
share
Fix the agreement mistake
shares
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 from 39.5% in 2010 to 46.7% in 2021.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 fall could be found in the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 5 company lower the point
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 15%.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, market, share, rolex with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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