IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Few individuals assume that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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competition in
sports
Use synonyms
 plays an indispensable role in the studying progression of youngsters as it mitigates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boredom and enhances
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cognitive skills.Others oppose
this
Linking Words
 notion since it has more drawbacks as it consumes enormous
time
Use synonyms
.In my point of view,I think it is
beter
Correct your spelling
better
 to engage
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 in games as it widens
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 knowledge.
Firstly
Linking Words
,some people claim that it is vital to allow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children to play in between their studying
time
Use synonyms
 as it improves their skills.
In addition
Linking Words
,when they allocate their spare
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
, it refreshes their mind and
refrain
Change the verb form
refrains
show examples
 them from boredom.It results in
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
the reduction
show examples
 of stress
duringtheir
Correct your spelling
during their
 childhood and assists them to more fascinated towards academics.
For instance
Linking Words
,the gold medalist in an Indian University was a man who was the best bowler in cricket.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is proved that the competitive sport is significant for
education
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,few
personells
Correct your spelling
personals
 assert that engaging in
sports
Use synonyms
 acts as an impediment
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
 process
due to
Linking Words
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 consumption .when a child is selected
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a game which
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 more
practise
Replace the word
practice
show examples
,he has to work
deligently
Correct your spelling
diligently
 to become a robust player.
consequently
Linking Words
,he has to prioritize his most of the
time
Use synonyms
 to
sports
Use synonyms
 than studying and it gradually deteriorates the
education
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.
For example
Linking Words
,if one person
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 more
practise
Correct your spelling
practice
show examples
for acquiring
Change preposition
to acquire
show examples
Correct article usage
a
show examples
champion in
Correct article usage
the javelline
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javelline
Correct your spelling
javelin
 throw ,he might not concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not perform well in academics. In conclusion,some people
tell
Verb problem
say
show examples
 that doing competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 during childhood
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 positive effects on
education
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
,some deny that as it
deminishes
Correct your spelling
diminishes
 the
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 concentration in studying.In my opinion,I suggest that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competitive
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 crucial to
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 of students as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
refreshes
Correct subject-verb agreement
refresh
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 knowledge.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a more diverse range of sentence structures to add complexity and clarity to your points. For example, compound and complex sentences can help to more clearly convey your ideas and arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure examples are specific and clearly linked to your main arguments to strengthen your essay. For instance, when mentioning the gold medalist, provide more details on how sports directly influenced their academic success.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on proofreading your essay to correct grammatical errors and typos. Paying attention to detail in spelling, punctuation, and word choice can significantly improve the readability and professionalism of your writing.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure your opinion is clear and consistent throughout the essay. Reinforce it in the conclusion to leave a strong final impression on readers.
Task Achievement
You did a good job of discussing both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before stating your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay introduces and concludes the topic, which helps the reader understand the structure and flow of your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Teamwork
  • Cooperation
  • Communication skills
  • Physical fitness
  • Obesity
  • Discipline
  • Time management
  • Confidence
  • Resilience
  • Anxiety
  • Burnout
  • Mental health
  • Risk of injury
  • Safety measures
  • Academic responsibilities
  • Participation
  • Unhealthy rivalries
  • Aggression
  • Sportsmanship
  • Jealousy
What to do next:
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