IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter describe the training course you want to do explain what the company could do to help you " say how the course will be useful for your job

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Mr Brown, I am writing to you to express my interest in proposing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
training in Australia next month and to imagine how it might improve my skills. It is true that the training would increase my knowledge and experience of network engineering in
this
Linking Words
 position because I already have checked the content of the course.
For instance
Linking Words
, the course includes the Network Administration and the Troubleshooting subjects. I would suggest that the company not only take the training fees, but
also
Linking Words
 take absence duration, and to be responsible for my duties during
this
Linking Words
 period
such
Linking Words
 as operations and maintenance of the network. If I attended the course, I would have a chance to implement ongoing projects with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 risks, and in a short time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, after the training, I could possibly organize local training in our office.
As a result
Linking Words
, more employees could involved in professional training. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours Faithfully, Enkhbat

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
To improve the coherence, consider adding more explicit connections or transitions between ideas within paragraphs.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, elaborate further on how the course specifically ties to your current projects or responsibilities, showing clear benefits to the company.
logical structure
The structure of your letter is clear, with a logical flow from introduction, explanation, request, to conclusion.
suitable writing tone
You've used a professional and polite tone throughout the letter, appropriate for the context of writing to a manager.
single idea per paragraph
Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, which helps in making your letter coherent and easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional development
  • training course
  • skillset enhancement
  • educational leave
  • sponsorship
  • reimbursement
  • knowledge integration
  • work efficiency
  • career progression
  • continuing education
  • team contribution
  • productivity boost
  • expertise building
  • industry standards
  • hands-on experience
  • networking opportunities
  • cutting-edge techniques
  • best practices
  • return on investment
  • in-house training
What to do next:
Look at other essays: