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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, some parents pressure their children to be successful in a specific field. What are the reasons for this? Is it negative or positive?

#parents #pressure #children #field
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It is true that many
parents
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 are inclined to push their
children
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 to forge skills for years to be successful in a particular
area
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. Those
parents
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 consider
this
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 practice necessary and helpful. There are two major causes for
this
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 initiative.
First,
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parents
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 with years of life
experience
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 know the benefits of contributing to
one
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area
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 deeply outweigh those of exploring multiple areas. Especially during recent decades when the economy has gotten worse,
parents
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 are concerned about their
children
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 losing a competitive advantage in the job market. Forging
one
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 type of skill to become an expert at least guarantees
children
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 a secure job satisfying basic needs.
Second,
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those middle-class or elite
families'
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families
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parents
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 need their
children
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 to succeed in some areas, in which the career manifests high social status and
extend
Correct subject-verb agreement
extends
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 their family honour.
For example
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, in the US, some
parents
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 from elite families will motivate their
children
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 to be successful lawyers or doctors after graduating from a prestigious university.
While
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 I admit that delving into
one
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area
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 to be successful will earn an advantage for a person, I consider pressure from
parents
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 unnecessary for
children
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's sustainable personal development in the long run.
Firstly
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, to be successful in a specific
area
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 means a high salary or social status but
also
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 involves more pressure and responsibilities. For those
children
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 who have been instilled by
parents
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' willingness, high pressure brought by a disinterested career might be detrimental to their mental health.
Second,
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forging skills only in
one
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area
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 involves a trade-off, meaning people would lose the opportunity to explore and
experience
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 other industries under a limited lifetime and energy. They will lose the opportunity to
experience
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 life as much as they can and
Correct pronoun usage
this involves
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involves
Correct pronoun usage
this involves
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 the high risk of being substituted by technology in the long run. In conclusion, it is not necessary for
parents
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 to instil their values in
children
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's career growth, which might be detrimental to their mental health and
experience
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 possible life in the long run.
Submitted by erminelyu on

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Specific Examples
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Clarity and Comprehensiveness
While your main ideas are clear, refining and expanding on them with more concrete details could enhance clarity and comprehensiveness. Consider elaborating more on each point with additional evidence or examples for greater impact.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay demonstrates a good ability to introduce and conclude the topic. Continue practicing clear introductions and conclusions to further enhance reader understanding and retention of your main points.
Logical Structure
The essay has a logical structure, making the reader's journey through your points smooth and coherent.
Task Completion
Your ability to cover the task comprehensively, including addressing both causes of the issue and its positive and negative impacts, is commendable.
Introduction and Conclusion
Including an introduction and a conclusion that encapsulate your main arguments effectively ties your essay together and provides a satisfying read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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