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Band 5.5

Some people believe that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the environment, others maintain that the major profit is the development of world business. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion.

#people #benefit #cooperation #environment #profit #development #world #business
With globalization nowadays,
cooperation
 between
differnent
Correct your spelling
different
nations
have
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has
show examples
 surged significantly.
While
 both
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 have improved a lot
due to
 different
nations
 working together, I personally believe the latter
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could be more beneficial. On one hand, globalization promotes trading
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide. With transportation advancement, more
countries
 can exchange their resources. And, they allow to produce product
in
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at
show examples
 lower costs.
For example
, there are many
counties
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countries
show examples
 set up factories in Xin Jiang because it has tremendous cotton for clothing. It benefits
to
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apply
show examples
both Xin Jiang and
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
countries
. For Xin Jiang, it receives investment from different
nations
 and
provide
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provides
show examples
 more job opportunities for citizens. For
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
countries
, they can produce
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 lower costs
due to
 lower labour
cost
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costs
show examples
 and lower rent.
Therefore
, international
cooperation
 brings beneficial effects to different stakeholders.
On the other hand
, International guidelines
are
Verb problem
make it
show examples
 easy to control
emission
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emissions
show examples
 in different
nations
. With
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 population, the emission of
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
 gases surged.
However
, international
cooperation
 can greatly alleviate
this
 situation.
For instance
, there are a lot of
countries
signed
Correct pronoun usage
that signed
show examples
Paris
Correct article usage
the Paris
show examples
 Agreement. The members
in
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of
show examples
 UNION
are requires
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are required
show examples
 to lower their
emission
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emissions
show examples
 to
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 level, which is a great guideline to suppress a large amount of pollutants being released.
Therefore
,
cooperation
 between
nations
 to prevent climate change is important. Protecting the
environment
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 from different
nations
, unlike
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of world business
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stakeholders. Personally, I believe the major benefit of international
cooperation
appear
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appears
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the protection of the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. In conclusion, globalization induces the improvement of finance and
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
show examples
 of the
environment
. It
seem
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seems
show examples
 to me that the
environment
 has
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 beneficial effect.
Submitted by oscar77734644 on

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Grammar and Sentence Structure
Ensure clarity in expressing your ideas by avoiding grammatical errors and enhancing sentence structure for better readability.
Detail and Analysis
Consider expanding on your examples by detailing how these examples specifically support your argument, offering a more in-depth analysis.
Tone and Style
Maintain a more formal tone throughout your essay by choosing words and sentence structures that reflect academic writing standards.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the main viewpoints and indicating your own stance.
Balance in Discussion
You have provided a balanced discussion by addressing both views before stating your own opinion, which is a good strategy for this type of essay task.
Use of Examples
Use of specific examples, such as the Xin Jiang factory and the Paris Agreement, strengthens your argument and provides concrete evidence to support your points.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international cooperation
  • environmental policies
  • green technologies
  • combating climate change
  • global trade
  • foreign investments
  • international standards
  • regulations
  • global sustainability
  • mutually beneficial
  • long term well-being
  • complexity
  • balanced approach
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