IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that governments should spend public money on saving minority languages, Others, however, believe that would be a waste of public money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
Use synonyms
govermants
Correct your spelling
governments
government
government's
 need to spend some of the public
money
Use synonyms
 to save the
minority
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
 think
that is
Linking Words
 just wasting
money
Use synonyms
 to save the
minority
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
, and the
Use synonyms
govermants
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should
svae
Correct your spelling
save
 the
money
Use synonyms
 some something more important
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 just a
minority
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
, in
this
Linking Words
 essay we will look is both sides and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will draw my personal conclusion.
Body paragraph 1
on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Correct word choice
other hand
show examples
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 a good idea to
Correct your spelling
invest
invast
Correct your spelling
spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
money
Use synonyms
 on saving the
mionrity
Correct your spelling
minority
languages
Use synonyms
,
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 a part of
coltcher
Correct your spelling
catcher
 of some
people
Use synonyms
 so we need to save it and start
Correct your spelling
learn
lern
Correct your spelling
learning
 more about them,
Body paragraph 2
because
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
if we start
useing
Correct your spelling
using
 them and
invast
Correct your spelling
invest
 the public
money
Use synonyms
 to
tetching
Correct your spelling
teaching
people
Use synonyms
 how to use the
minority
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
 in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 normal life,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
that is
Linking Words
 a
graet
Correct your spelling
great
 idea for the
Use synonyms
govermants
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 to use the public
money
Use synonyms
for saving
Change preposition
to save
show examples
 the
minority
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
on the other
side
Add a comma
side,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think that its a
disavdantag
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
 for the
people
Use synonyms
 to make the
Use synonyms
govermants
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
money
Use synonyms
 on just a
minority
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
, and we can use it for better things like improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health care or
invasting
Correct your spelling
investing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to make some more
advanteg
Correct your spelling
advanced
advantage
languages
Use synonyms
 more
spoing
Correct your spelling
spring
 like let
people
Use synonyms
lern
Correct your spelling
learn
 more English, in my
opinoin
Correct your spelling
opinion
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that we don't need to improve the huge
languages
Use synonyms
 like English,
saveing
Correct your spelling
saving
 the
minority
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
 is more important.
Conclusion
in conclusion
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 important to save
minority
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
 and spend the public
money
Use synonyms
 on them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more clearly. Paragraphs should have distinct ideas and follow a logical order.
Task Achievement
To improve clarity, focus on separating your points more distinctly, ensuring each paragraph introduces, explains, and concludes its main idea effectively.
Task Achievement
Consider using more examples to strengthen your argument. Real-world examples or hypothetical situations can make your position clearer to the reader.
Coherence Cohesion
Work on your spelling and grammar to enhance readability. Tools and practice can aid in reducing the number of errors and increasing fluency.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed both views on the issue, providing a personal stance in the conclusion, which aligns well with the requirements of the task.
Coherence Cohesion
Your passion for the topic is clear and contributes positively to engaging the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: