Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is argued that
technology
development
reduced offenders and many of guilts
Correct article usage
the guilts
destroy
by progressed Wrong verb form
destroyed
technology
on the other hand
some people believe that this
technology
raised culprits. Here I will discuss both of
views and I will give my opinion.
Nowadays, all things are been controlled by advanced Change preposition
apply
technology
and convicts have many problems for do
every crime like theft because nowadays wherever equipped Verb problem
with
by
surveillance cameras Change preposition
with
that have
installed on streets and avenues. Verb problem
apply
Moreover
all people’s identifications have been written on computers Add a comma
Moreover,
that
all of which are connected Correct pronoun usage
apply
with
Change preposition
to
police
. Add an article
the police
therefore
, high technology
can reduce crimes for example
, police
has
informed on television that since Correct subject-verb agreement
have
than
advanced Correct word choice
apply
technology
came in
the world Change preposition
into
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
are
fallen. It is fair to say Verb problem
have
due to
this
technology
communities are convenience
and offenders are involved Replace the word
convenient
inconvenience
. Change preposition
in inconvenience
Police
has
declared if had not invented Change the verb form
have
this
technology
, we would have many miscreants so, technology
development
is a great option for every society.
Of course, in every population
there are different crimes and Add a comma
population,
also
desperate ways for offenders who are professional like hackers. They usually can access to
varied identification because they are some guilts and their aims are theft and crime Change preposition
apply
for example
, police
notified
that some hackers could hack a prestigious bank and Add a missing verb
were notified
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
withdrew
many monies through Wrong verb form
withdraw
computer
. Add an article
the computer
a computer
Thus
, such
as
problems are common in some public. Some people believe that if we had not had Change preposition
apply
this
technology
, we would have not lost a lot of money. It can be a negative point of technology
.
Nevertheless
, my opinion is very positive of thrived
Wrong verb form
thriving
technology
because to day
we need Correct your spelling
today
to
it and Change preposition
apply
all
the Correct determiner usage
apply
world
Correct word choice
whole world
equipped
to Add a missing verb
is equipped
development
Replace the word
develop
technology
also
we will improve in everything by
advanced Change preposition
with
technology
.
In conclusion, I think benefits
of Correct article usage
the benefits
development
technology
is
outweigh Unnecessary verb
apply
of
its Change preposition
apply
drawback
and we need Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
to
Change preposition
apply
this
blessing.Submitted by mrhoshangi87 on
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coherence cohesion
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lexical resource
Work on developing a more precise and varied vocabulary. This will help you better express complex ideas and arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures to showcase your grammatical range and accuracy. Varied sentence types can enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
task response
Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've attempted to discuss both views and your own opinion, further development and clear, detailed examples could strengthen your response.
structure
You successfully introduced the topic and provided a conclusion reflecting your opinion, which is essential for a balanced essay.
task response
Your essay reflects an effort to engage with the topic and present arguments for both sides, which is a positive aspect of task achievement.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example