Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is argued that
technology
Use synonyms
development
reduced offenders and many of Use synonyms
guilts
Correct article usage
the guilts
destroy
by progressed Wrong verb form
destroyed
technology
Use synonyms
on the other hand
some people believe that Linking Words
this
Linking Words
technology
raised culprits. Here I will discuss both Use synonyms
of
views and I will give my opinion.
Nowadays, all things are been controlled by advanced Change preposition
apply
technology
and convicts have many problems Use synonyms
for do
every crime like theft because nowadays wherever equipped Verb problem
with
by
surveillance cameras Change preposition
with
that have
installed on streets and avenues. Verb problem
apply
Linking Words
Moreover
all people’s identifications have been written on computers Add a comma
Moreover,
that
all of which are connected Correct pronoun usage
apply
with
Change preposition
to
Use synonyms
police
. Add an article
the police
therefore
, high Linking Words
technology
can reduce crimes Use synonyms
for example
, Linking Words
police
Use synonyms
has
informed on television that since Correct subject-verb agreement
have
than
advanced Correct word choice
apply
technology
came Use synonyms
in
the world Change preposition
into
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
are
fallen. It is fair to say Verb problem
have
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
technology
communities are Use synonyms
convenience
and offenders are involved Replace the word
convenient
inconvenience
. Change preposition
in inconvenience
Police
Use synonyms
has
declared if had not invented Change the verb form
have
this
Linking Words
technology
, we would have many miscreants so, Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
development
is a great option for every society.
Of course, in every Use synonyms
population
there are different crimes and Add a comma
population,
also
desperate ways for offenders who are professional like hackers. They usually can access Linking Words
to
varied identification because they are some guilts and their aims are theft and crime Change preposition
apply
for example
, Linking Words
police
Use synonyms
notified
that some hackers could hack a prestigious bank and Add a missing verb
were notified
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
withdrew
many monies through Wrong verb form
withdraw
computer
. Add an article
the computer
a computer
Thus
, Linking Words
such
Linking Words
as
problems are common in some public. Some people believe that if we had not had Change preposition
apply
this
Linking Words
technology
, we would have not lost a lot of money. It can be a negative point of Use synonyms
technology
.
Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, my opinion is very positive of Linking Words
thrived
Wrong verb form
thriving
technology
because Use synonyms
to day
we need Correct your spelling
today
to
it and Change preposition
apply
all
the Correct determiner usage
apply
world
Correct word choice
whole world
equipped
to Add a missing verb
is equipped
Use synonyms
development
Replace the word
develop
technology
Use synonyms
also
we will improve in everything Linking Words
by
advanced Change preposition
with
technology
.
In conclusion, I think Use synonyms
benefits
of Correct article usage
the benefits
development
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
is
outweigh Unnecessary verb
apply
of
its Change preposition
apply
drawback
and we need Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
to
Change preposition
apply
this
blessing.Linking Words
Submitted by mrhoshangi87 on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay, aim for clearer organization of paragraphs. Each paragraph should present a single main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This will improve the logical flow and make your points more compelling.
lexical resource
Work on developing a more precise and varied vocabulary. This will help you better express complex ideas and arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures to showcase your grammatical range and accuracy. Varied sentence types can enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
task response
Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've attempted to discuss both views and your own opinion, further development and clear, detailed examples could strengthen your response.
structure
You successfully introduced the topic and provided a conclusion reflecting your opinion, which is essential for a balanced essay.
task response
Your essay reflects an effort to engage with the topic and present arguments for both sides, which is a positive aspect of task achievement.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example