Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime

It is argued that

technology

development

reduced offenders and many of

guilts

Correct article usage

the guilts

show examples

destroy

Wrong verb form

destroyed

show examples

by progressed

technology

on the other hand

some people believe that

this

technology

raised culprits. Here I will discuss both

Change preposition

apply

show examples

views and I will give my opinion. Nowadays, all things are been controlled by advanced

technology

and convicts have many problems

for do

Verb problem

with

show examples

every crime like theft because nowadays wherever equipped

Change preposition

with

show examples

surveillance cameras

that have

Verb problem

apply

show examples

installed on streets and avenues.

Moreover

Add a comma

Moreover,

show examples

all people’s identifications have been written on computers

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

all of which are connected

with

Change preposition

show examples

police

Add an article

the police

show examples

therefore

, high

technology

can reduce crimes

for example

police

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

informed on television that since

than

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

advanced

technology

came

Change preposition

into

show examples

the world

offenses

Change the spelling

offences

show examples

are

Verb problem

have

show examples

fallen. It is fair to say

due to

this

technology

communities are

convenience

Replace the word

convenient

show examples

and offenders are involved

inconvenience

Change preposition

in inconvenience

show examples

Police

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

declared if had not invented

this

technology

, we would have many miscreants so,

technology

development

is a great option for every society. Of course, in every

population

Add a comma

population,

show examples

there are different crimes and

also

desperate ways for offenders who are professional like hackers. They usually can access

Change preposition

apply

show examples

varied identification because they are some guilts and their aims are theft and crime

for example

police

notified

Add a missing verb

were notified

show examples

that some hackers could hack a prestigious bank and

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

withdrew

Wrong verb form

withdraw

show examples

many monies through

computer

Add an article

the computer

a computer

show examples

Thus

such

Change preposition

apply

show examples

problems are common in some public. Some people believe that if we had not had

this

technology

, we would have not lost a lot of money. It can be a negative point of

technology

Nevertheless

, my opinion is very positive of

thrived

Wrong verb form

thriving

show examples

technology

because

to day

Correct your spelling

today

show examples

we need

Change preposition

apply

show examples

it and

all

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

the

world

Correct word choice

whole world

show examples

equipped

Add a missing verb

is equipped

show examples

development

Replace the word

develop

show examples

technology

also

we will improve in everything

Change preposition

with

show examples

advanced

technology

. In conclusion, I think

benefits

Correct article usage

the benefits

show examples

development

technology

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

outweigh

Change preposition

apply

show examples

its

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

show examples

and we need

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

blessing.

Submitted by mrhoshangi87 on Sun Apr 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance your essay, aim for clearer organization of paragraphs. Each paragraph should present a single main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This will improve the logical flow and make your points more compelling.

lexical resource

Work on developing a more precise and varied vocabulary. This will help you better express complex ideas and arguments.

grammatical range accuracy

Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures to showcase your grammatical range and accuracy. Varied sentence types can enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.

task response

Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've attempted to discuss both views and your own opinion, further development and clear, detailed examples could strengthen your response.

structure

You successfully introduced the topic and provided a conclusion reflecting your opinion, which is essential for a balanced essay.

task response

Your essay reflects an effort to engage with the topic and present arguments for both sides, which is a positive aspect of task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

305 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

deterrent
surveillance
forensic science
cybercrime
data theft
anonymity
illicit activities
law enforcement
jurisdictions
crime prevention

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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