IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think the fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 play a predominant role in increasing the sale of
products
Use synonyms
 in the market. A certain number of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that junk
food
Use synonyms
 industries should not be permitted to advertise
while
Linking Words
 critics say that every firm has an equal
right
Use synonyms
 to advertise its item. I wholeheartedly agree that all industries should be permitted to promote their inventory.
This
Linking Words
 essay will delve into both views and will
subsequently
Linking Words
 lead to a logical conclusion as well.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the most prominent reason is that fast
food
Use synonyms
 has enormously pernicious effects on the
health
Use synonyms
 of all individuals because deep-fried burgers, chicken, and fries are the root cause of various diseases
such
Linking Words
 as heart attacks.
Thus
Linking Words
, individuals should not be encouraged to buy and eat those edible
products
Use synonyms
 through promotional
advertisements
Use synonyms
. Ultimately, it is a common saying that '
Health
Use synonyms
 is Wealth' but
advertisements
Use synonyms
 have led to the proliferation of children who like to eat junk
food
Use synonyms
 which has harmful effects on their
health
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, eating noodles, pasta, and macro oni have become ubiquitous habits among juveniles but the repercussions of eating these are quite disruptive as they lead to a sedentary lifestyle. On the flip, some
people
Use synonyms
 support the view of allowing all companies to advertise equally because every firm has equal rights to sell their
products
Use synonyms
 and they have invested a lot in manufacturing their business.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
right
Use synonyms
 to equality should be taken into account.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if healthy diet promoters have the
right
Use synonyms
 to attract customers for profits
then
Linking Words
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 companies can
also
Linking Words
 motivate humans to purchase their
products
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, these
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are the source of income for numerous individuals
along with
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, these
advertisements
Use synonyms
 help to make
people
Use synonyms
 aware of the instant
food
Use synonyms
 available in the market that helps to manage their hectic lifestyle. So, it is apparent that many
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to stop the advertisement of canned or processed
food
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, nothing is bad for
health
Use synonyms
 until it is taken in limited quantity.
Hence
Linking Words
, there should not be restrictions on any promotional ad, and youngsters should be motivated to eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
 equally to maintain their
health
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the arrangement of some campaigns could
also
Linking Words
 help to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to change their habits to healthy lifestyles.
Advertisements
Use synonyms
 should be stopped because what
people
Use synonyms
 want to eat should be their choice.
To conclude
Linking Words
, as per the matrimonials mentioned above,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 no advertisement should be banned as it should be a personal choice of humans to eat.
Also
Linking Words
,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are a source of income
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, an equal
right
Use synonyms
 should be granted to all for promotion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

specific examples
To improve clarity and expand on your ideas, consider incorporating more specific examples that highlight the impact of fast food advertisements on consumer choices and health. Real-life instances or statistical data can provide a stronger foundation for your arguments.
logical structure
Your essay would benefit from a clearer demarcation between paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, introduced with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. This approach will improve the logical flow and make your argument more compelling.
introduction conclusion
While you've concluded your essay with an opinion that aligns with the introduction, reinforcing your stance in the conclusion with a summary of the key points discussed would strengthen your argument. This recap can remind readers of the rationale behind your position, making your conclusion more impactful.
introduction conclusion present
You provided a well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
complete response
Your essay engages with the topic thoughtfully, presenting a balanced view before stating your own opinion, which aligns with the task requirements.
supported main points
You've shown an ability to develop main points with explanations, showcasing your understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: