IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that schoolchildren should prioritise learning local
history
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 over
world
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history
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. I disagree with
this
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 position to a large extent because local historical narratives are inseparable from global developments, and an understanding of
world
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history
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 equips children with
deeper
Correct word choice
greater
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 analytical skills and a more balanced worldview.
Although
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 local
history
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 has educational value,
world
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history
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 plays a more fundamental role in shaping historical understanding. A primary reason for
this
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 view is that local
history
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 is rarely self-contained. Political independence, economic systems, and social structures at the national level are frequently the result of international events and interactions. Without knowledge of
world
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history
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, students risk perceiving local developments as isolated incidents rather than outcomes of broader global processes.
For example
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, the Second
World
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 War significantly altered global power structures, directly influencing decolonisation movements in Asia, including Indonesia. Learning these global dynamics allows children to understand historical causation more systematically, rather than memorising disconnected local facts.
Furthermore
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, studying
world
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history
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 encourages intellectual openness and cross-cultural awareness. By learning about different historical experiences, belief systems, and governance models, children develop a more nuanced understanding of humanity as a whole.
This
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 exposure helps prevent narrow or ethnocentric thinking and promotes empathy toward other societies.
For instance
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, students who learn about the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki gain insight into the human consequences of warfare on a global scale, even without direct personal experience.
Such
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 understanding is essential in preparing young people for participation in an interconnected
world
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. In conclusion,
while
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 local
history
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 contributes to students’ sense of identity, I strongly believe that
world
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history
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 is more important for schoolchildren. It provides the analytical foundation needed to interpret local events meaningfully and fosters the critical and open-minded thinking required in contemporary society.

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Task Response
The essay has a clear view and key idea. It answers the task well. To get a higher score, say more direct how local and world history fit the prompt at the start.
Coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Simple connect words like and, but, also help the flow.
Coherence
Add one or two more clear examples that show both local and world history connect the same idea or time. Keep examples short and linked to your point.
Position
Clear view that world history matters more.
Structure
Intro, body, and conclusion are in place.
Content
Good use of big ideas and examples such as WWII and Hiroshima.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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