IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think watching TV is bad for children, while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #tv #children #effects
It is argued that watching television has an adverse impact on
children
,
whereas
 other people believe that it brings various benefits to them.
Although
 it is
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 that there are benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 watching
TV
, I believe that the downsides of
this
 phenomenon
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more significant. On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some people think that
children
’s development would be negatively affected by watching
TV
. The first reason is that sitting in front of
TV
 screens for too long is detrimental to
children
’s health. Many kids these days suffer from various health problems
such
 as obesity, eye strain or fatigue
due to
 prolonged television watching. Another reason is that many
TV
 programmes and movies contain violent
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 or sexual images which are inappropriate for
children
 to watch. Heavy exposure to violent movies can put a child at a higher risk of violent behaviour, which could ruin their future.
On the other hand
, I personally believe that television has an essential role to play in the development of
children
. Watching educational
TV
 programmes gives
children
 the opportunity to widen their horizons and enrich their knowledge of the world they live in. Planet Earth and Discovery Channel are prime examples. Their programmes not only take the viewer into unknown natural habitats which are home to various plants and animals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 educate them about the importance of preserving the wonders of the Earth.
In addition
, many
TV
 shows and channels provide
children
 with limitless knowledge of almost every aspect of life. A programme called ‘Talent show for kids?’,
for example
, not only gives
children
 enjoyable moments but
also
 informs them about various subjects. In conclusion,
although
 some people say that watching
TV
 is harmful to
children
, I would argue that it is very beneficial for them.
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task achievement
Try to explore counterarguments more thoroughly. For instance, you could elaborate on how violent content impacts children psychologically and socially.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear, single idea, and that these paragraphs flow logically. Make sure you provide smooth transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-balanced argument, discussing both views before giving a personal opinion. This shows a good grasp of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary behavior
  • unrealistic perceptions
  • creative pursuits
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • constructive content
  • screen time
  • parental guidance
  • critical thinking
  • active learning
  • age-appropriate
  • media literacy
  • family bonding
  • moderation
  • perceive
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