IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The addiction tho the internet is a widespread problem. What problems does it cause and what is a suitable solution

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Nowadays, using mobiles and electronic devices is becoming more and more and everyone is addicted to the
internet
Use synonyms
 all over the world.
This
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 essay will discuss how the overuse of the
Internet
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 is harmful to our lives and our health, and we suggest preventing
this
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 problem from continuing by inserting different activities that do not need the
Internet
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 to be done . Everyone from adults to children is addicted to the
internet
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 these days , and we do not consider the harm that it can cause .
Firstly
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 looking at the screen of a mobile phone for a long
time
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 and using it without control will impact our sense of sight and
also
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 lead to a rush eye headache most of the
time
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.
Also
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, it will affect our communication skills , where as the result of over using
internet
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 we may not be able to talk or go throw discussion as others who use it in limited.
For example
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 , in 2020 children in Australia are more likely to play with iPads rather than play with others and talk to each other. In order to solve
this
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 issue , there are many solutions but there is a significant one that can reduce
this
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 habit,which is to make rules for using the
internet
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.
Moreover
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, put a specific
time
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 for
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 Ipads and electrical devices in the home by parents
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young boys and girls , and prevent using them during lunch or dinner ,
also
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 when sitting with family everyone together it must be
panned
Correct your spelling
planned
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,
this
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 will strengthen our relationships , and make our life healthier.
For example
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 , in 2022 , girls and boys in the United Kingdom are more clever and creative
also
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 they register in school competitions because there is a rule to not buy tablets until they are 17 years old.
To conclude
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, overusing mobiles is a primary cause that results in a weakness in communication skills , and the most of
time
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 wearing medical glasses ,
however
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, it can be addressed through making rules to make people more aware the real life and family.

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Task Achievement
Clarify and expand your main ideas with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, elaborate on how internet use directly impacts communication skills and provide more specific, varied examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your response.
Language Use
Pay attention to more accurate word choice and grammar to express your ideas more precisely. For example, 'a rush eye headache' could be rephrased to 'eye strain and headaches' for clarity.
Structure
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frames your essay's arguments.
Supporting Examples
You've effectively used examples to support your arguments, like the reference to children in Australia and the policy in the United Kingdom.
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