IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but so are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #development #phenomenon
standard of living has been improved in
20th
Change the article
the 20th
show examples
 century as there is vast economic development. it has benefits and drawbacks which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am gonna talk about in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
paragaraphs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
. economic growth leads to improved infrastructure, access to education and health services, higher employment rates and advancement in technology.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 the income
raised
Verb problem
rises
show examples
 as a country's economy
growth
Replace the word
grows
show examples
 and as a personal income, there has been huge betterment in
standard
Add an article
the standard
a standard
show examples
 of living and increased purchasing power of individuals and families.
for example
, people with good pay
scale
Fix the agreement mistake
scales
show examples
sending
Wrong verb form
send
show examples
 their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
study and in those
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 new things and improve their living standards.
although
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 disadvantages as well which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 cultural erosion as globalization may lead to a loss of traditional values and way of life and
sciocultural
Correct your spelling
sociocultural
 homogenization.
moreover
, rapid industrialization often leads to pollution, depletion of natural resources and biodiversity loss. there is less community cohesion and
breakdown
Correct article usage
a breakdown
show examples
 of family structure as people move for jobs
due to
 urbanization.
however
,
health
Correct word choice
as health
show examples
 services improved with economic development, so do lifestyle diseases. in conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would say
instead
 of having
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 of drawbacks we are learning so many things with
this
 advancement. so we should consider it as a positive change.
Submitted by kiranrattu.kr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Improving grammatical accuracy and range could significantly enhance the overall quality of your response.
Spelling
Beware of typos and ensure to check your essay for any spelling errors before finalizing.
Sentence Structure
Use a mix of complex and simple sentences to add depth to your writing.
Content Depth
Developing your arguments further and providing more specific examples could provide a stronger base for your essay.
Balance of Discussion
Your essay effectively covers both sides of the argument, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of economic development.
Structure
You have a clear essay structure that follows the progression from introduction through body paragraphs to conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • infrastructure
  • globalization
  • cultural erosion
  • sociocultural homogenization
  • industrialization
  • pollution
  • natural resources
  • biodiversity loss
  • wealth disparity
  • income inequality
  • urbanization
  • community cohesion
  • lifestyle diseases
  • sedentary lifestyle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: