Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how they be reduced.
Nowadays, it is obvious that several
movie
industries produce high-level violent scenes
, leading to serious social issues. It is because of the lack of entertainment regulations
and the low parental control for the children
to consume violent scenes
, emerging a need for some solutions. This
essay will elaborate on the issues and give the possible solutions.
First and foremost, the low quality of entertainment regulations
is regarded as the main factor that enables movie
industries to add some brutality movie
sequences. As an illustration, one of the cartoon movies
- that already passed the screen test to evaluate how potential characters perform in front of the camera and interact with each other - shows the sadistic part of killing a fish inside of the aquarium. Such
examples prove that the regulations
as well as
the system still inappropriately restricting
Wrong verb form
restrict
the
violent Correct article usage
apply
scenes
. More importantly, regarding those cases, there are a lot of parents letting their children
watch movies
without parental control or supervision, leading their kids to be exposed by
bad influences of violent sequences.
Change preposition
to
However
, some possible steps can be taken to reduce the above problems by banning those horrible scenes
in all movies
. Additionally
, the stakeholders should attach an age restriction for the audience in terms of watching movies
that contain horrible scene
. Fix the agreement mistake
scenes
Furthermore
, things that must be increased are the awareness of parent to control screen time and select good quality movie
content for their children
.
To sum up
, there are some problems in the regulations
of movie
production and parental supervision that lead children
exposed to violent scenes
. By this
, the author, highly recommends the stakeholder
Fix the agreement mistake
stakeholders
to
take Fix the infinitive
apply
further
actions to tighten the regulations
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
Ensure all parts of the question are equally addressed for a more balanced approach. While the essay provided a clear statement of problems and solutions, including more detailed examples specific to the social problems caused by violence in films would enhance the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider varying your transition phrases and ensuring smoother links between ideas. Using a wider range of connectors and more paragraphing strategies to differentiate between main and supporting ideas can improve clarity and readability.
Task Achievement
Work on integrating more specific, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments. This adds credibility to your points and makes your essay more persuasive.
Structure
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly establishing your argument and summarizing your main points.
Logic
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument and understand the connection between problems and proposed solutions.
Content
You successfully introduce relevant issues and propose feasible solutions, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.