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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking the visitors how satisfied they were with their visit , during the same two period.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking the visitors how satisfied they were with their visit , during the same two period.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #surveys #visit #two #period
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
table chart illustrates the total number of people visiting
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the Ashdown Museum in the year
befor
Correct your spelling
before
 and after refurbishment,
while
Linking Words
 the pie charts
represents
Change the verb form
represent
show examples
 the results of surveys of
Use synonyms
visitors
Change the noun form
visitor
show examples
 satisfaction between both the given periods.
Overall
Linking Words
, there is an increase in
visitors
Use synonyms
 after the refurbishment compared to earlier and a large amount of them are
statisfied
Correct your spelling
satisfied
 which were dissatisfied before.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen from the chart that the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 visiting the Ashdown Museum swelled drastically from 74,000 to 92,000 after development.
Further
Linking Words
,
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
 before
refubishment
Correct your spelling
refurbishment
 40% of individuals are dissatisfied which reduces to 15%. In
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 similar way, there is
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
the decrease
show examples
 in very dissatisfied tourists by 5%. Apart from these, the survey
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that 15% and 30%
Use synonyms
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 very satisfied and satisfied before,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 proportion rises up to 35% and 40% respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 people who don't give any response to either
four
Change preposition
of four
show examples
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
 and
thir
Correct your spelling
their
 percentage remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for both the giver periods
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 5%.
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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