IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking the visitors how satisfied they were with their visit , during the same two period.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking the visitors how satisfied they were with their visit , during the same two period.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #surveys #visit #two #period
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
table chart illustrates the total number of people visiting
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the Ashdown Museum in the year
befor
Correct your spelling
before
 and after refurbishment,
while
 the pie charts
represents
Change the verb form
represent
show examples
 the results of surveys of
visitors
Change the noun form
visitor
show examples
 satisfaction between both the given periods.
Overall
, there is an increase in
visitors
 after the refurbishment compared to earlier and a large amount of them are
statisfied
Correct your spelling
satisfied
 which were dissatisfied before.
Firstly
, it is clearly seen from the chart that the number of
visitors
 visiting the Ashdown Museum swelled drastically from 74,000 to 92,000 after development.
Further
,
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
 before
refubishment
Correct your spelling
refurbishment
 40% of individuals are dissatisfied which reduces to 15%. In
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 similar way, there is
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
the decrease
show examples
 in very dissatisfied tourists by 5%. Apart from these, the survey
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that 15% and 30%
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 very satisfied and satisfied before,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
 proportion rises up to 35% and 40% respectively.
Lastly
, there are
also
 people who don't give any response to either
four
Change preposition
of four
show examples
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
 and
thir
Correct your spelling
their
 percentage remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for both the giver periods
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 5%.
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: