In today's world many peoplel own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #peoplel #smartphone

Whether everyone can afford a

smartphone

is a recurring argument.

This

writer that the benefits of communication and education outweigh the drawbacks of

health

. The most advantageous factor of owning a

smartphone

is that it can help people communicate with others easily.

In other words

,through a

smartphone

users can connect with their friends who are living far from them. From prior knowledge, thanks to

smartphones

, consumers can download a great number of applications

such

as Facebook, Messenger ,etc. These are very efficient for chatting with friends. Through those,everyone cannot face-to-face when necessary.

Besides

, they

also

send and receive a file which has big data without trouble.

Thus

, a

smartphone

plays a vital role in fastening together. Education must

also

be considered. It must be recognized that students and teachers can alter the method of learning from face-to-face to online. Take the way of learning during COVID-19 as a prime example, at that time, under the pressure of the epidemic, all of the schools in Vietnam had to be closed to protect the

health

of instructors and learners.

However

, studying is one of the most critical things, they transform teaching online through

smartphones

and laptops. Thereby, owning a

smartphonen

Correct your spelling

smartphone

can help people avoid stopping learning.

However

smartphones

also

have a negative impact on

health

. They believe that the phone contains blue light which suppresses the production of the hormone melatonin in the brain and makes us sleepless. Not only that, when spending more time on a

smartphone

can affect the eyes dangerously.

Thus

, phones can cause serious damage to the

health

of consumers. Taking all points into account, the possible impact of

smartphones

being unhealthy is outweighed by connecting to others and instruction.

Hence

, having

smartphones

can be more beneficial for everyone , especially students.

Tue Jan 09 2024

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task response

The essay lacks a clear introduction outlining the statement and rarely presents both sides of the argument, leading to an incomplete task response. Clarifying your position initially and ensuring a balanced discussion can enhance the effectiveness of your essay.

task achievement

While some main points are supported, the development is minimal and at times unclear. The essay would benefit from expansion of the points made and more varied sentence structures to convey the ideas cogently.

coherence cohesion

The essay fails to use cohesive devices effectively, resulting in somewhat disconnected ideas. A range of linking words should be employed to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure could be improved by offering more explicit topic sentences that guide the reader through the arguments. A clearer progression and segmentation of ideas would strengthen the essay's coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

295 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In today's world many peoplel own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school, Do the advantages of this outweight disadvantages.

Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. Do you agree with this statement?

Traditional schooling is out of date, boring, and stifles a child’s natural talents, various professionals have pushed for an education revolution. Are there alternatives in the education system? Is traditional education doing more harm than good?

Some people think that schools should use teaching methods that encourage students to cooperate. Other people think that schools should use teaching methods that encourage students to compete.

Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income.  The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. Do you agree with this statement?