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Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people say that sports should not be encouraged in schools because they cause competition rather than cooperation among students. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #sports #schools #competition #cooperation #students
People have different views about Whether children should be taught to be
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 or
cooperation
Replace the word
cooperative
show examples
.
While
 a spirit of
competition
 can sometimes be useful in life, I believe that the ability to
cooperation
Replace the word
cooperate
show examples
 is more important. On the one hand,
competition
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 contribute a lot of people. Competitive work can enhance your motivation
of working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
 hard.
For example
, when you're competing with someone else for the job which you've always wanted,
competition
 can stimulate your potential abilities which you never have, because nobody wants to lose.
Moreover
, the form of
competition
also
 can promote your confidence.
For instance
, it can nurture an ability of independently, especially when you
worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 out a difficult math problem after thinking alone for a long time, you feel proud of yourself and think that
I
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
 can solve a harder problem.
On the other hand
,
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
cooperation
Replace the word
cooperate
show examples
 is even more important.
Firstly
, collaborating in work can be more efficient, when you are
handing
Correct your spelling
handling
show examples
 a difficult task.
For instance
, a group of creative
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 may come out with more information and ideas, which is more likely to tackle the problem immediately and save time.
Secondly
, collaboration
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 useful than winning. When you
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 different people
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work, you can learn the pros from others and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
fix your own
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
. In conclusion, I would argue that collaboration not only can promote the effective but
also
 can enhance yourself.
Submitted by 13394712150 on

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Structure
Try to ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay does provide a structure, but refining the transition between paragraphs to make the progression of ideas smoother would further improve it.
Linking
To enhance the coherence of your essay, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more clearly and show contrast between points (e.g., however, on the other hand, furthermore).
Grammar
Be mindful of verb agreement and tense accuracy to improve the overall grammatical quality and clarity of your writing.
Specificity
Examples provided are relevant but try to elaborate more on these by explaining how they specifically support your argument, to add depth to your essay.
Task Response
You have clearly taken a position and consistently argued in favor of it throughout your essay, which is key in responding fully to the task.
Balanced Argument
You've successfully included both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic and helps to enrich your essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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