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Band 4

after Completing High School and Before Going to College or university, some students take a year off either to work or travel. What do you think is better – travelling or working. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches.

#school #college #university #students #year #work #travel #approaches
Nowadays, a massive
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 amount of
students
 who graduated from high school prefer either working or travelling
abored
Correct your spelling
abroad
laboured
. In my perspective, in
this
statement
Add a comma
statement,
show examples
 l tend to believe that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gain experiences through working rather than travelling.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay, will
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the merits and drawbacks
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both Choose. Working after
finshied
Correct your spelling
finishing
 studying at school
including
Replace the word
includes
show examples
 a lot of advantages and
disadvantges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. The main advantage is
students
consuming
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
 time to get
a real experiences
Correct the article-noun agreement
a real experience
real experiences
show examples
 in their
specializing
Replace the word
specialisation
show examples
 before
starting
Add the particle
starting to
show examples
 study them,which
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
 them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 understanding their courses better in future.
For example
,
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
universities require training from their
students
 in
Correct article usage
the
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 first or second year to enhance their abilities to connections between their studying and
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
However
, there are
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
 of
disadvantges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 working after
graduated
Change the form of the verb
graduating
show examples
 from
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
such
 as,
students
 will
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 late in their studying, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 them
also
 to
late
Add a missing verb
be late
show examples
 in finding a
carrers
Correct your spelling
careers
career
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side, other
students
 tend to
travelling
Change the verb
travel
show examples
 outside after
finshining
Correct your spelling
finishing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
This
 phenomenon
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positives
Fix the agreement mistake
positive
show examples
 and
negatives
Change the noun form
negative
show examples
 aspects.
For instance
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Add an article
the students
show examples
 are in
Correct pronoun usage
their sventeen
show examples
sventeen
Correct your spelling
seventeenth
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 and they do not have
edquate
Correct your spelling
adequate
awearence
Correct your spelling
appearance
 to take whole their life responsibilities.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 other words, they
stil
Correct your spelling
still
 need to
parnts
Correct your spelling
parents
 guiding.But, travelling
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other countries will be
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 for them. Learn from other cultures,
for example
. To
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 more, different
clutheres
Correct your spelling
cultures
 have
a different skills
Correct the article-noun agreement
different skills
a different skill
show examples
there
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are superior
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
theirs
show examples
.
Japnes
Correct your spelling
Japanese
 nations,
for instance
.
Their
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 have a high thinking way and
ethintic
Correct your spelling
ethnic
authentic
 morals.
Therefore
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families have been sending their children to
Japen
Correct your spelling
Japan
.
To sum up
,
although
 both of
Correct article usage
the approachs
show examples
approachs
Correct your spelling
approaches
 have merits and drawbacks, working is more
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 than travelling. To my recommendations, l
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
parnts
Correct your spelling
parents
 to
avioud
Correct your spelling
avoid
 sending their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 outside immediately after
graduated
Change the form of the verb
graduating
show examples
 from
a high schools
Correct the article-noun agreement
high schools
a high school
show examples
, because they do not have
edquate
Correct your spelling
adequate
conscious
Replace the word
consciousness
show examples
.
Submitted by fatema14mohammed on

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task completion
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task prompt, discussing both working and travelling as options after high school, and provide a balanced view on each.
paragraph structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing a distinct aspect of the topic with a clear topic sentence at the beginning.
vocabulary usage
Work on enhancing your lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary accurately. Avoid repetition of the same words and phrases.
grammar accuracy
Be attentive to grammar and punctuation. Using a variety of sentence structures and ensuring correct use of articles ('a', 'the') and prepositions ('at', 'in') can improve clarity.
spelling accuracy
Seek to improve spelling and proofread your work to avoid typos ('abored' should be 'abroad', 'sventeen' should be 'seventeen', 'Japnes' should be 'Japanese').
clear position
You have presented a clear position in favor of working after high school.
examples provided
You have attempted to provide examples to support your points, which helps illustrate your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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