In some countries, people these days spend little time with their children. What are the causes of this? Whome does this affect more, parents or children?
It is considered that in many countries
parents
not
spend enough Add a missing verb
do not
time
with their offsprings
and Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
this
problem can lead to many mental issues especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
on
Change preposition
in
children
. In my point of view, all family members will be affected however
0-6 aged
groups can Replace the word
age
be
more Verb problem
have
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
on
Change preposition
by
this
problem.
To begin
with, nowadays it can be observed that each family member has their own job with
Change preposition
for
this
reason parents
come home late usually and they can not share quailty
Correct your spelling
quality
time
with their children
. Moreover
, some people
not
realise how vital to spare Change the verb form
do not
did not
time
with their own offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
for instance
if the child
grow
up with careless Change the verb form
grows
parents
, child
will be struggle with some mental health issues Add an article
the child
a child
such
as attachment problems. Consequently
, it is obvious that this
situation will be
Verb problem
have
significant
effect on Add an article
a significant
children
.
Furthermore
, selfishness can be another reason to
Change preposition
for
this
issue and this
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
also
impact
on Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
child
dangerous way. Lately, people
wants
to more care about themselves and they want to create their own self-place. It can Change the verb form
want
be seem
Change the verb form
seem
benefical
for Correct your spelling
beneficial
individual
to build a self area Add an article
an individual
the individual
however
specifically children
will be influence
negatively Change the verb form
be influenced
for
Change preposition
by
this
condition. In addition
, people
who acting
selfish and careless to their Wrong verb form
act
children
they
will Correct pronoun usage
apply
be deeply regret
Change the verb form
deeply regret
to
their reaction because one day Change preposition
apply
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these children
child
grow up and probably will be as selfish as their parents
.
In conclusion, many people
thinks
that recently Change the verb form
think
people
do not spare time
with their offsprings
and Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
children
who lack of
spend Remove the preposition
apply
time
with their parents
will be have
some difficulties in their future life.Change the verb form
have
Submitted by muge2k on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider practicing structuring your sentences more clearly and avoid run-on sentences to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Expand your examples with more detailed explanations to fully support your points, making your arguments more persuasive.
General
Work on using a variety of sentence structures and expanding your vocabulary to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging.
Topic Understanding
You've effectively raised a critical and contemporary issue, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay topic.
Content Richness
Your essay touches on important aspects of the issue, showing an ability to consider multiple perspectives.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?