IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, people these days spend little time with their children. What are the causes of this? Whome does this affect more, parents or children?

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It is considered that in many countries
parents
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 spend enough
time
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 with their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 and
this
Linking Words
 problem can lead to many mental issues
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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on
Change preposition
in
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children
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. In my point of view, all family members will be affected
however
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 0-6
aged
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age
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 groups can
be
Verb problem
have
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 more
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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on
Change preposition
by
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this
Linking Words
 problem.
To begin
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 with, nowadays it can be observed that each family member has their own job
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 reason
parents
Use synonyms
 come home late usually and they can not share
quailty
Correct your spelling
quality
time
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 with their
children
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.
Moreover
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, some
people
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not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
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 realise how vital to spare
time
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 with their own
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
for instance
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 if the
child
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grow
Change the verb form
grows
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 up with careless
parents
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,
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child
Add an article
the child
a child
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 will be struggle with some mental health issues
such
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 as attachment problems.
Consequently
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, it is obvious that
this
Linking Words
 situation will
be
Verb problem
have
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significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 effect on
children
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.
Furthermore
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, selfishness can be another reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue and
this
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
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impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
 on
child
Use synonyms
 dangerous way. Lately,
people
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wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to more care about themselves and they want to create their own self-place. It can
be seem
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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 to build a self area
however
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 specifically
children
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 will
be influence
Change the verb form
be influenced
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 negatively
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
Linking Words
 condition.
In addition
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,
people
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 who
acting
Wrong verb form
act
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 selfish and careless to their
children
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
be deeply regret
Change the verb form
deeply regret
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to
Change preposition
apply
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their reaction because one day
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these children
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child
Use synonyms
 grow up and probably will be as selfish as their
parents
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. In conclusion, many
people
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thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that recently
people
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 do not spare
time
Use synonyms
 with their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 and
children
Use synonyms
 who lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
 will
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 some difficulties in their future life.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider practicing structuring your sentences more clearly and avoid run-on sentences to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Expand your examples with more detailed explanations to fully support your points, making your arguments more persuasive.
General
Work on using a variety of sentence structures and expanding your vocabulary to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging.
Topic Understanding
You've effectively raised a critical and contemporary issue, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay topic.
Content Richness
Your essay touches on important aspects of the issue, showing an ability to consider multiple perspectives.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work demands
  • longer working hours
  • digital technology
  • screen time
  • urbanization
  • commuting times
  • emotional distance
  • parental guidance
  • harmful behaviors
  • guilt
  • stress
  • missed opportunities
  • development
  • emotional well-being
  • social skills
  • family dynamics
What to do next:
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