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Band 3.5

Nowadays, some parents pressure their children to be successful in a specific field. What are the reasons for this? Is it negative or positive?

#parents #pressure #children #field
In these
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These
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 days,
parents
 recommend
to
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apply
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their
children
 to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in one field
due to
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for
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 some reasons but it can impact on
juvennile
Correct your spelling
juvenile
juveniles
 in
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
show examples
 or right way. I will discuss
on
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apply
show examples
this
 topic in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, being
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrated
show examples
 on one field by students is beneficial for their development and future aspirations. To elaborate, when
children
 study
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apply
show examples
in
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apply
show examples
a particular subject
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at
show examples
in
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at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early age
then
, they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 more knowledge
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by
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through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 focusing
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on at
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
single
Add an article
the single
a single
show examples
 subject and can succeed in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
In addition
,
due to
this
 reason, they can easily get
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in their field.
On the other hand
, if
parents
pressurize
Verb problem
pressure
show examples
 their
children
 could lose interest and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might miss the
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to achieve success.
For example
,
children
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 only one topic
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 can lead to
bored
Correct your spelling
boredom
show examples
 and lack of interest in learning.
Moreover
, when
children
 feel that they can never meet their
parents
' expectations, it can lead to a lack of motivation and a decrease in self-esteem. In conclusion, if
children
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 a subject
according to
 their preference can achieve success but if
parents
 pressure
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them can lead to emotional stress and
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 explore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more opportunities.
Submitted by AP on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your arguments are well-supported with more specific examples or evidence. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
language use
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. This will enhance both the readability and sophistication of your essay.
task achievement
Consider exploring both sides of the argument more thoroughly to demonstrate a balanced analysis. This could involve discussing a greater variety of viewpoints and providing more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in reader understanding.
task achievement
You successfully addressed the topic and presented arguments for both the positive and negative effects of parental pressure.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an ability to formulate coherent arguments and maintain focus on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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