Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violent influence on TV and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Since years ago,
cinema
industry has drastic effect on various aspects of Add an article
the cinema
life
sphere. People are exposed to diverse genres of Correct article usage
the life
movies
, such
as action, martial art
, and thriller. It is debated that the violence of Fix the agreement mistake
arts
movies
should be curbed with governmental decisions,
and some advocate for Remove the comma
apply
non-limited
degree of violence in Add an article
the non-limited
a non-limited
movies
.
The effective
of Replace the word
effectiveness
movies
is undeniable not only in life but also
finance
. To put it differently, governments would earn enormous Change preposition
in finance
budget
through selling these genres of Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
movies
which are popular in the world. If the governments regulate and censor these movies
, its
popularity will drop Correct pronoun usage
their
off
sharply and Change preposition
apply
also
lose its
world market trade. Correct pronoun usage
their
On the other hand
, censoring violent movies
causes rising
crime rate and Correct article usage
a rising
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
black
market. Add an article
a black
For example
, despite the fact that Iranian’s
governments have legislated against trading erotic Change noun form
Iranian
movies
, the locals still sell them in black markets; also
, their prices have soared.
Looking at the proponents’ side of curbing degree
of violence Correct article usage
the degree
of
Change preposition
in
movies
, not only adults but also
juveniles are viewers of movies
, hence
they would be incentivized with excitement
of crimes which happened in the films. Add an article
the excitement
Moreover
, it could spark the idea of acting some
dangerous actions Change preposition
in some
such
as jumping from apartment
, standing on the moved motorcycle, and throwing sharp equipment Add an article
the apartment
where
they have Correct word choice
which
been
performed with Unnecessary verb
apply
Add an article
a stuntman
stuntman
. Fix the agreement mistake
stuntmen
Furthermore
, gradually the youth tends to substitute mature communication for fighting. For example
, playing Legend of Jumong, a Korean movie was
played in Iran, leads two brothers, acting two main characters of the movie, killed each other.
In conclusion, films play a key role in people’s Correct pronoun usage
that was
life
and funds. From my viewpoint, banning Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
violent Correct article usage
apply
movies
could not be a concrete idea, so politicians could categorize the movies
based on watchers’ ages.Submitted by TUTOO on
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logical structure
Your essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding your points effectively.
supported main points
You've supported your main points with examples, which strengthens your argument. Try to ensure each example directly supports the point you're making for even greater clarity.
clear comprehensive ideas
Consider expanding on your examples and exploring the opposing viewpoints with the same depth to provide a more balanced discussion.
complete response
Make sure to directly address the prompt by explicitly stating your opinion in the introduction and conclusion for clearer task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Work on variety in sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance readability and engagement in your essay.
task achievement
You effectively covered both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before giving your own opinion.
relevant specific examples
The inclusion of real-world examples, such as the reference to Iranian cinema regulations, adds depth to your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion succinctly sums up your viewpoint and suggests a feasible solution to the issue at hand.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?