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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries people tend to move overseas or move to a different part of their country after their retirement. Discuss why it is so and the outcomes of this situation. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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Numerous people nowadays intend to go abroad or to change locations in the county after retirement to set up their personal lives.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons and state examples of the near future of people who have chosen
this
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 path.
First,
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it is quite complicated to change the place of living nowadays, as many obstacles ought to be met on the way.
However
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, the pension is the thing that can make every adult's dream come true. Life after retirement gives an opportunity to leave recent problems back and head for a new life.
As a result
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, some are sure about possible existence changes in case of moving overseas,
whereas
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 others fluctuate before making a decision.
For instance
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, a pensioner who has family members from around the world is free to choose where they will live for the next years, as they can be supported by relatives in a moment.
In addition
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, it is a personal matter for most older people to change the country
due to
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 their government attitude.
Although
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 it could sound like a solution,
this
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 move can cause a lot of nerves later. A significant number of citizens don't take into account that there are different nations and an opposite mentality in other countries, so the consequences could be harmful for those who are not acknowledged with a new town culture,
such
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 as being robbed or getting harmed.
To sum up
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, it is necessary to understand the purpose of making
such
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 an extreme decision which can lead to unexpected consequences.
Nevertheless
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, considering all the facts, it can set
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life
also
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. While you have a logical flow, some ideas could be connected better with clear transitions.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples and scenarios that illustrate your points to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
For higher clarity and impact, clearly distinguish between different reasons and outcomes, possibly dedicating separate paragraphs to each.
task achievement
In some parts, your explanations could be more detailed to provide a clearer understanding of your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay and summarizing your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally maintains a logical progression of ideas, which helps in maintaining reader's engagement.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively encapsulates your overall standpoint and considerations.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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