IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#range #technology #people #gap #effect
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the highly controversial issues today relates to whether the availability of the Internet is widening the gap between the wealthy and the poor,
while
 others argue that it has a reverse outcome. In
this
 essay, the idea of the first group, lack of financial investment, and the second perspective, which has positive consequences for the two Strata will be discussed. Supporters assert that having access to the latest and most advanced
technology
 brings a number of benefits not only to
people
 but
also
 to companies and institutions. As cutting-edge devices are very costly, not all the
people
 in a society can access
such
 types of products. Especially during the
coronadisease
Correct your spelling
coronavirus pandemic
, most students had to attend online classes
instead
 of face-to-face classes,
while
 they needed electronic devices
such
 as laptops and mobile phones, unfortunately, many children, especially those from the lower classes of society, with the problem of not having
were facing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
internet access.
On the other hand
, opponents believe that the advancement of
technology
 has the opposite effect, the most significant of which is establishing close connections with other
people
. In fact, the widespread the use of internet and social media has connected
people
 globally, making it easier to maintain relationships.
Hence
,
technology
 has made it easier for anyone to communicate and collaborate, regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
location, through tools like online whiteboards and video conferencing. In conclusion,
although
 the development of
technology
 could lead to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increasing gap between the rich and the needy, I would argue that
technology
 helps strengthen bonds and relationships.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion which helps to frame your essay well. However, to improve your score, consider making your main points more distinct and separate them clearly in different paragraphs.
Detail
You've done a decent job of discussing both viewpoints and your own view. To improve, ensure each viewpoint is explored with equal depth and detail. Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to support each argument.
Linking Words
Using linking phrases effectively helps with the flow of your essay. To enhance your cohesion, experiment with a wider variety of linking words to show contrasts, reasons, and results more clearly.
Accuracy
Be cautious with your spelling to maintain the professionalism of your writing. Even small errors, like 'coronadisease' (coronavirus disease), can slightly distract readers from your main points.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your essay's main points and clearly presents your opinion, which is a strong point in task achievement.
Introduction
Your introduction sets the topic well and prepares the reader for the discussion ahead, showing a good grasp of the essay's requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: